The Love-Hate Letter (boyxboy)

The Love-Hate Letter

This is based on @/_gaypopsicle_ 's prompt on Instagram:

"Write a love letter to someone you really don't like"

xxx

Dearest Michael,
     I hate you with all of my cold, dead heart.
     I don't know why-- maybe it's because you call me "faggot" oh-so-sweetly in the hallways.
     Maybe it's the way that your jaw clenches when you look at me while I kiss Ryan on the cheek.
     Maybe it's the way your lips curve every time you punch me in the gut.
     Maybe it's the way your nose wrinkles as you scrunch up your face in disgust when you look at me holding another boy's hand.
     Maybe it's the way you show me that you'll never love me as much as I love you.
     I really hate you-- don't get me wrong. But there's always been this sick, masochistic part of me that doesn't mind when you punch me in the face or grip my wrists so tight that it leaves purple bruises for weeks.
     At first, I brushed it off as a small crush. Nobody is suicidal enough to love their own tormentor-- no matter what those love stories tell us. I'm not in my right mind, or at least I shouldn't be considering the concussion you gave me last week. I still have headaches, thanks for that by the way.
     I don't know what the point of this letter is, to be honest. I guess I just wanted to let you know before I left.
     I know you'll miss me terribly, but I'm sure you'll find another punching bag soon enough. I pity the poor bastard. Please send my apologies to the next poor fellow, I just can't let myself be hurt anymore. I'm done.
     Don't try to look for me in the halls at school. Don't try to come to my house. You won't see me. Not now. Or next week. Or next month. Or next year. Or ever.
     This isn't a love letter. Actually, it's not even a hate letter. I like to think of this as a goodbye, but nothing is good about it.
     So let's get it over with.
     Goodbye, bully. Goodbye, enemy. Goodbye, my love. Goodbye, Michael.
     From, Eric.
P.S. I love-hate you.

Michael crumpled up the now tear-stained notebook paper in anger. Hot tears ran down his sharp cheekbones-- his straight nose runny, his blue eyes red and puffy, his sandy-colored hair was a mess after he had run his fingers through it multiple times.

He leaned against his locker and sank to his knees, staring at the wrinkled piece of paper as if he hated it with all his heart.

And he did. He had a strange urge to burn it and act as if it never existed.

But he knew he couldn't do that. He knew that he couldn't just ignore the words scrawled on the sheet and wait for everything to go back to normal.

Oh, how he wished they could go back to the way it was. He wanted see Eric in the halls, laughing with his friends. He wanted to see Eric underneath him, his cheeks flushed and his breath coming in short pants. He wanted to see him, damn it. Michael needed to see him again.

He needed to make sure Eric was okay. He needed to make sure that Eric was thinking of him, whether they were bad or good thoughts.

Michael never meant for it to get this far. He never meant any of it-- the name calling, the pushing, the punching-- none of it was to make himself feel good.

In fact, he absolutely hated himself for hurting the only person that could make his heart beat so fast and hard that he was sure everyone in the room could hear it. But it was the only way that he could convince others, and himself, that he didn't feel anything but malice towards the other boy.

He was never one for showing affection, particularly the affection he felt for Eric.

But the problem was, there was no longer an Eric to feel anything for. There was no longer an Eric to hurt. There was no longer an Eric to loathe. There was no longer an Eric to love.

Eric was gone.

And it was Michael's fault.

All that was left were the tears running down Michael's face and the love-hate letter that he held tightly in his hand.

xxx

Well that was sad... I cried in the middle of writing it.

Also I'm not sure if I want to make this a short story or continue it-- let me know what I should do!