How to Annoy Bellatrix Lestrange

The Life and Lies of Bellatrix Lestrange

1. Ask her if she and Sirius were bestie cell mates for life
2. Ask her if she misses dear old Voldiewart
3. Ask her when she's going to tell him she has been two-timing him
4. Ask her how many animals live in her hair
5. Ask Hermione if she wants to play hide-and-seek in Bellatrix's hair
6. Ask how the good behavior chart is going for her boyfriend Voldiewart
7. Ask her when the wedding is
8. If she says she isn't getting married, ask her if it's because of her great love Rudolph
9. Ask her why she chose to marry a reindeer
10. Ask her if that makes her related to the Jolly Fat Man
11. If she says yes (or no) tell her you can see the resemblance some in the stomach, but mostly in the beard
12. Put cats on everything she owns and tell her Umbitch did it
13. Tell her you ship Hermort
14. Give her a magic lava lamp that spells out I hate Voldiewart from Bella when ever the dork lord is near
15. Ask her how long it's been since she's seen a hairbrush
16. Tell her you think you saw Harry Potter in her quarters last night
17. Tell her you think you saw a dragon in her mane
18. Ask her if she likes her twiggle better then Voldie's
19. Ask her if she's willing to pay for plastic surgery for her beloved (and perhaps a wig too)
20. Tell her you saw Voldemort writing a valentines card to Hermione
21. Tell her you also saw one to seviekins
22. Tell her the dork lord has prepared a cake for her birthday, but unfortunately Wormtail ate it
23. Tell her you saw Neville sorting through her underwear drawer
24. Tell her Hermione hacked her Snapchat
25. Tell her she shipped herself and Voldiewart
26. Tell her Vodiewart has sent Nagini after her to do the job he couldn't do himself
27. Tell her Voldemort was actually in Gryffindor and hates all Slytherins
28. Tell her Voldemort turned ugly because she was too unworthy to see him in his purest form
29. Tell her Voldemort cut of his nose for her and watch her faint
30. Tell her you saw Voldemort buying her birthday presents at seven eleven because he thinks that she prefers donuts to toys
31. Tell her Voldemort was at a fancy restaurant with another death eater
32. Tell her it was Lucius
33. Tell her you saw Narcissa there as well
34. Tell her you saw her daughter killed by Hermione
35. Tell her you helped
36. Run!!!!!!!
37. Yell that she can't catch you because she's a slow old fart
38. Tell her that Voldemort was already a father of seven before she had his kid
39. Tell her two of those kids were Sirius'
40. Tell her two were Harry's
41. Tell her the last was Hermione's
42. Tell her you saw Draco telling Hermione that he hated his aunt
43. Send her love notes from Snivellus
44. Tell her he's planning to pop the question to her
45. Tell her you don't really see the love between her and Voldemort
46. Tell her you saw Snape enchant her soap bar to record images
47. Tell her there's a sale of Bellatrix voodoo dolls at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
48. Tell her Voldemort bought three
49. Tell her Voldemort bought a love potion
50. Tell her he plans to use it on Neville
51. Tell her Umbitch is actually her cousin
52. Tell her they are signed up to tango together
53. Tell her Voldemort look very hot in that robe
54. Tell her you have a crush on Voldemort
55. Tell her Voldemort is planning to take away her Dark Mark
56. Ask her if she would prefer a fiancé with a nose
57. Like Trump
58. Sign them up for summer school together
59. Tell her Harry secretly has a crush on her
60. Tell her he is hoping she is feeling well
61. Ask her how she lived without YouTube for fourteen years in Askaban
62. Tell her she has lice
63. Tell her her hair is too thick to get them out
64. Tell her she can either shave her head or have lice forever
65. Give her a shock collar that shocks her whenever she says Avada Kadavra
66. Tell her she has reached her monthly kill limit
67. Tell her she should get a higher kill plan
68. Tell her you can buy the unlimited one for the small price of her soul
69. Because that's really not worth much (we suspect dementor S have gotten there before her)
70. Ask her how long it's been since her flu shot
71. Ask her how long it's been since she had fleas
72. Ask her how many of her pet unicorn Voldemort killed
73. Ask her if she has seen Zootopia it's very inspiring for those who want to get a life
74. Ask her if her school therapist was a real person
75. Tell her you can recommend another
76. Tell her Voldemort didn't invite her to his birthday party
77. Ask her if her stocks in the stock market are high
78. Tell her you saw Voldemort sabotaging her
79. Ask her if she's met any nice dementor S in Askaban
80. Ask her if she's made out with any of them
81. Tell her Professor Trewlany predicts she will die today
82. Ask her if she's caught up with dear old Molly lately
83. Ask her how Ginny's doing
84. If she doesn't answer say she's looking very alive today
85. Tell her it's Mothers Day
86. Ask if she's received any presents
87. Tell her that since her daughter was killed by Hermione there won't be any presents coming
88. Tell her there won't be any grandkids either
89. Tell her it's too bad she'll never be celebrated on Grandparents Day
90. Tell her Voldemort is
91. Tell her Narcissa is
92. Tell her Tonks probably is
93. Tell her she should improve her aim (you know because of the Ginny thing (#HateGinnySoMuch))
94. Tell her that she is shipped with Umbitch on Instagram
95. Tell her that she should go to a hair salon
96. Tell her it should only hake about three days for them to brush her hair
97. Tell her she looks cute in scarlet
98. Tell her she looks ugly in green and silver
99. Tell her she's getting old and losing her touch
100. Tell her you got a substitute for Voldemort, it's and cow and it's named Voldiemoooooo
101. Show her my list tell her it's all true and inspired by her daughter and Voldemort, Voldemort suggested some