Set You Free

Chapter 2

I don't recall too many memories from my parents funerals. The church was absolutely stuffed; my parents never did meet a stranger. I remember what seemed like a hurricane of tears falling down on me during hugs and condolences. But they still claimed that I was in shock, so I played along. I wanted time to freeze, to allow me to catch up. But it didn't. The sun changed into the moon and soon enough, I was back at school. That was one of the worst days of my life. Everyone knew what had happened, and they just stared like I was Jesus himself. Snickers and whispers were hushed in between ears, barely leaving one mouth before firing out the next. Nobody wanted the freak whos parents were killed. It's depressing what our world has come to.

 At the time we were living with my aunt. She was married, but unable to have children, so she didn't mind taking us in. Though she tried and tried to persuade me and help me, my grades kept falling and falling until they couldn't get much lower. Teachers were growing impatient with late work, my excuse of shock no longer being valid. But I didn't care anymore. In my opinion, I was making the best of the worst. It was easier to zombie out than to think and care. Thinking and caring sets you up for deliberate pain that can be inflicted by anyone. I was no longer and optomistc 12 year-old girl. I was 13, and I was about to be on depresants.

 Eventually, people stopped trying. All my friends had left, teachers didn't try, my aunt just stayed worried, and my brother put his focus into sports. I tried to go to his varsity football and basketball games, but it was of no use. Too much cheering and noise. I wanted quiet and serenity. I had one person who I conisdered a friend; Harley was her name, and slowly but surely she was pulling me out of my shell. Some may not consider that a good thing though, because the older I got the more parties I attended.

My first party was when I was 15 years old. Last day of my freshman year summer. I didn't really want to go, but I thought to heck with it! It's not like anything bad would happen, and Harley desperately wanted me to go with her. After all she had done to me, I owed her this, right? To this day I can look back and say that other than family, I had cared for someone. Whether willingly or not, I cared. And what happened wasn't her fault, she had saved me from living my life in shell.

At the party, tons of people swarmed, some already drunk. I kept thinking to myself that this one particular guy was going to pay dearly for his drinking habits. No one could drink that much and get away with it. I had never really had time for boys in all my 15 years. While other girls had been getting it on, I had been jamming in my room. Pathetic as it seems, I hadn't even had my first kiss. But no one knew that. Certainly not the boys dancing. So we thought it was worth a shot; we wound up dancing the night away. We lingered longer than most people, being so caught up in our own little world. How were we supposed to know that thats the time when the drugs come out?

We tried to leave as soon as the smoke started filling the room, but the drunken man from before blocked our way out. Stepping forward, Harley asked him to move. Instead of moving, she was roughly shoved back into me, much to the approval of the drunk. We were coughing with smoke inhalation. I'm not even sure what all was being smoked, but there was defiantely plenty of it coming from all tubes and wraps and pipes. It was a disaster we couldn't escape. Harely soon gave up and sat down, willing the drunk to move. But me, I was staring to feel funny. The kind of funny like on a rollercoaster at the beginning of the deepest drop. You knew it was coming, but the anticipation was killer. Pretty soon I hit hysteria.

 I forgot all about Harely, though I think I recall her trying to get me out the door after the drunken teen began to throw his guts up. Instead of leaving, she states that I offered to hold his hair for him. Maybe I was making up for excluding people all that time. At some point she gave up and left, knowing there was nothing left to do. Which left me and the smoke. Someone offered a joint, but I refused. As the smoke billowed I saw it create shapes and hallucinate. I could almost tell you I saw the disapproving faces of my parents. But that doesn't matter.

 I thinkt eh real reason I didn't leave, was the thoughtlessness. Everythign could be taken as it seemed. There were no double meanings or confused understandings. All you problems just vanished as soon as the next cloud appeared. Finally I could understand exactly why people get addicted to the drugs. For the time, everything was okay and perfect. You had not a care in the world.

All too soon the smoke stopped reappearing, and I stumbled and crashed all the way to my house, happier than a camel on humpday.

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Hopefully I'm getting the hang of it. I've honestly never done drugs; hence, the reason Symphony rejected the offer. Hopefully you guys haven't either but hey, whatever floats your boat! Hope you like it!

Slowly Building,

Natalee :)