Analyzing Isaac (manxman) NaNoWrimo 2013 Winner

Chapter 12

 My finger hovered over the mouse as I hesitated to open the security camera access files. I sat there indecisive for a minute, but like a magnet my hand went back to the mouse and I quickly clicked to open the file. And almost immediately the different boxes showing the many different angles of the many rooms in the house popped up. I selected the third floor and I zoomed in on the Nurse’s station. I scanned the entire floor before locating him in Rec Room.

 He was by himself and he was tapping away on his computer pausing every now and again to write something down on the notebook resting by his arm.  Oh God, he was stunning and I watched him like the pervert that I was for a few more minutes before forcing myself to close the program and I tried to get back into the things I really needed to be doing.

 Paperwork wasn’t truly the reason of coming back to the Institute after weeks of occupying my time with lectures and book signings, the patients in the office, and everything and anything to keep me away from the man that I would gladly give up my life for. The realization of much I love Isaac had smacked me dead in the face in the middle of the night one night in a lonely hotel room where I was slotted to speak at one of the many conferences I had jammed packed my schedule with.

 Today was actually Isaac’s birthday and Flora had called me to inform me that I needed to be here whether I liked or not for his birthday dinner they had planned or else she would quit. I knew it was a bluff, I knew she would never leave me or her patient’s like that, but the statement alone let know just how serious she was. So I greedily grabbed at the opportunity to see him face to face again and not on a one dimensional monitor screen.

 I signed the last invoice and placed it in the correct folder and put it in my out box on the corner of my desk for my secretary to pick up in the morning, seeing that it was well past the time for the end of her of the day.  She has long since departed the Institute to go home. I checked the clock hanging on the wall and it was time to get upstairs if I was going to participate in this little shindig. After logging off and shutting down my computer, I grabbed the bag containing Isaac’s gift and slowly made my way upstairs. I was hoping and praying that he will be alright with seeing me here today his special day.

 If I was really being honest with myself, I was using all the energy I had just to walk upright. These past few weeks have been rough on me, and I knew somewhere in my mind that I was pushing myself beyond my body’s capabilities in order to occupy my mind and to keep the memory of Isaac’s hurt face from haunting my every waking moment. I knew that I had lost weight; I knew that I didn’t take enough time to eat or to sleep properly. But I was running away from my feelings. I was running away from the pain that I caused him and I didn’t know how to stop. The crushing weight of it all was too much for me to deal with; and if I stood still long enough it would break me into a million pieces, and if that happened I knew there was no hope of putting myself back together because the one person that would be able to do so was moving on with his life at my own insistence.

 I stepped off the elevator when the doors opened, and I slowly made my way down the hall to the Rec Room where they were keeping the festivities. The other patients have long since gone to their rooms and this was a special party for Isaac alone. He was not only celebrating birthday, but also the fact that he has finished his one of  his classes and passed with a resounding A plus as his final grade.

 I stopped and inhaled and exhaled through a wave of dizziness that made me a little light headed, and when I felt a little steadier on my feet; I plastered what I hope was a pleasant smile on my face and walked into the room. I placed his gift on the table packed with other gifts and looked around the room. Most of the staff was already in here, Brad was in his usual spot and that was wherever Richard was, and at the moment it was by the food table.