It was an old song he found after hours of searching for the perfect song to apologize with. He certainly had never heard it before. Neither had Clary when he asked her if he could practice playing it in front of her. It talked about love and things that Simon knew definitely didn't apply to their relationship but he knew it was the right song. It made his still heart flutter.
"Everybody needs a little time away
I heard him say
From each other," His voice started out shaky and unsure in the first few words but he quickly became sure. He breathed in and out keeping himself calm.
"Even lovers need a holiday
Far away from each other," Simon tried not to laugh at the word lovers coming out of his mouth and kept on going. He knew Raphael would come down eventually.
"Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay," Raphael didn't even know Simon could play guitar, let alone sing this well that it shook him too his bones. He took in every word as he walked down each step with closed eyes.
"After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go," After Raphael finally got over the beauty of Simon's voice, he realized some of the lyrics didn't apply to their past relationship. But the song still made his still heart flutter.
"Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
Far away
From the one that I love," The last word made Raphael's brain stop, every thought ceased to exist. He didn't know why and this scared him more than anything he's ever faced. Love, he repeated it again in his head and every thought stopped again.
"Hold me now
It is hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really want to tell you I'm sorry
I could never let you go," Raphael didn't even realize he made it to the bottom of the stairs, until he smacked his hand on the end of the banister it was trailing on. He was too busy listening to the sweet melody and the beautiful voice. Then he remembered; he's supposed to be angry. Simon Lewis betrayed the clan. He repeated it over and over in his head instead of listening to the rest of the song.
"After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to," Simon meant every word he sang. He meant that he'd make it up to Raphael, he never meant to hurt him, Clary just needed him. And she had always had his back.
"After all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go
After all that we've been through
I will make it up to you
I promise to," Simon dragged the last word out and slowy let it drift off into nothing. He played a few more cords still looking down, he felt Raphael's presence before he saw him. The last noted dissipated into the quiet and Simon finally dragged his eyes to look at Raphael.
Raphael had his arms crossed across his chest. He was wearing a leather jacket, a black t-shirt, and dark black jeans. It was his usual attire but he still looked breathtaking to Simon.
They stared each other down. Both of them unwilling to break the silence. Raphael was stubborn, but Simon was unsure of what to say. Finally Simon dared to speaked.
"It was my way of saying, I'm sorry," Simon enunciated sorry like it was his last word he would ever speak. Raphael didn't even budge, his eyes stayed in a glare.
"You betrayed us, Lewis." Simon gulped. Raphael never used his last name. Maybe to the other vampires, but to Simon? Not once.
"I had to help Clary, she's like my family. Since I can't see mine now." That budged Raphael, he closed his eyes, his way of wincing.
"Why are you even even here then if we aren't like your family?" Raphael spoke with fire, his eyes opening in a fierce glare. Simon tried not to show how much that stung. He tried not to show the hurt. Maybe Raphael really didn't want him here.
Simon picked up his guitar and slung it back on his back, "I can see I'm not wanted, I'll just leave," He paused rubbing his neck. It was a nervous habit. He meant to go no further, but his mouth betrayed him on his way out. "Raphael, I don't understand you. Are we friends or are we not? You saved me from death, and brought me back to the shadowhunters - who probably would've killed you, if Clary wasn't there. You say you'll take care of me. You take me in, a stray, a nobody. You let me borrow your damn suit. And nobody ever touches your clothes. You're nice to me but nobody else. So what is it? Are we friends?" Simon didn't realize how loud he had gotten until he stopped speaking. The quiet now threatened to swallow him whole as Raphael turned away from him, his arms dropping to his sides.
"God, you can be such an idiot," He mumbled still turned away, sounding miserable.
"You don't understand, do you? You're different. You're somehow light in this dark place." Raphael spoke so quietly and in a tone Simon had never heard him use before. He noticed vulnerability and weakness and love.
"Oh," Simon breathed out. Raphael was making him feel the need to gasp for breaths again.
"Oh is all you say. What were you expecting?"
"For you to kick me out and tell me to get lost. I thought you hated me." At that, Raphael quickly turns around with and angry or hurt expression, Simon couldn't tell.
"Never again and how could I hate you?" Raphael's teeth were clenched and his hands in fists as his sides. Simon knew he hit a nerve, so he took a step back.
"I'm sorry," He spoke quietly, his head down in shame.
"Take that guitar off, this is your home again," Raphael offered the smallest of smiles to Simon. Simon did as commanded and leaned it back against the couch.
"So," Simon paused turning back to Raphael, "Now what?"
"This," Raphael mumbles. Simon gives a confused expression, until Raphael closed the distance between them. Before he placed his lips on Simon's he asks with his eyes on Simon's lips, "Is this okay?"
"Yes," Simon barely even ushered a whisper but Raphael heard. And he took his face in his hands and kissed him. Simon let his hands trail up Raphael's body until he rested one on his shoulder and the other on the back of his neck.
Simon remembered the last time he kissed someone. It was Maureen. It wasn't really because he was interested in her. He was longing for something and Maureen was there.
This kiss was everything his last wasn't. It had actual wanting. Raphael wanted to kiss Simon and Simon wanted to kiss Raphael. Raphael made him feel something he'd never felt before, even though he was dead, he swore he felt heat inside him.
Simon breathed in Raphael's scent, content with him being here. He never thought he had any sort of feelings for the older vampire but when Raphael closed the space between them. He knew.
Raphael pulled away before Simon could analyze every bit of the kiss and his feelings. He then rested his forehead on Simon's and smiled brighter than Simon had ever seen him before.
"Now who's the light in dark places, with that smile," Simon teased. Raphael lightly hit his arm and rolled his eyes. Then he wrapped his arms around Simon's waist, smiling even more.
"God, shut up. I am never saying anything like that again."
"I'm being serious. You have a beautiful smile, Raph."
"I bet the whole damn Hotel heard you, don't damage my cred." Simon laughed softly, leaning in to kiss him again.
Mumbling against his lips Raphael said, "I didn't know you played. Or sang."
Simon pulled away offering a small smile, "I had a band. Before I turned." Raphael looked shocked and sad. Simon wanted to hold him until the sadness melted away.
"I'm sorry that was taken from you."
"Don't. You didn't turn me. And if I didn't turn, this wouldn't be happening. I'm happy now, Raph." Simon smiled with teeth, showing off his fangs and Raphael couldn't help but smile back.
"You're such a sap."
Hard To Say I'm Sorry
Start from the beginning
