Fix Me

A/N hey I'm Ellie and this is Chapter one of my story, I hope you enjoy. Comment/vote to let me know what you think! I will post chapter two ASAP!:3 Enjoy!

Alone.

Alone. That's all I have felt since the day my parents and my younger brother Noah died . They died in a fire, I was the only one that survived. Now I have nobody, nobody to love me, nobody to love. I'm on my own in this massive world now. Lost and alone. I feel empty, I'm not the carefree, excitable Blaire that I once was, no, now I'm just a body with a lifeless soul.

There's not a second that passes by, there's not a breath I take that doesn't make me feel guilty. Guilty for being alive, guilty for taking Noah's place in the world. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve to be alive when such a young and innocent boy could be alive right now - happy, healthy and most importantly living. I wish with all my heart that it could have been me. Me buried in the ground, not my sweet little Noah. There's not a day that goes by without me remembering that night, that cold December night that I was told that I would be alone in the world. Not a day.

*flashback*

"Honey we need to speak to you about something important," Doctor Smith told me as he quietly closed the door to my room. My nurse stood some feet behind him.

"First of all, how are you? Are you feeling any better?"

I watched closely as his hand stayed on the doorknob and his upper lip trembled slightly as he spoke. I let out a frustrated sigh, ignoring the way my stomach had dipped when I saw how he was worrying about something. Something that I had a feeling was something to do with his next few words.

"Smith, I don't mean to be rude but could you not beat around the bush and just spit it out?"

Doctor Smith padded towards the bed and glanced at me for approval to sit on the bed. I offered him a weak smile to answer his silent request. He hesitated for a couple of seconds before looking to my nurse for only a moment and turning back to me. Doctor Smith placed his hand on top of mine.

Smith was a close friend to the family, he was an old friend of my father's and also my Godfather. I've known him my entire life and he's like a second Father, he had been especially good to me for the past few days while I was recovering from the house fire. It was quite convenient that I he was given me as a patient however deep down I know that with his higher ranking he probably requested me as a patient. I haven't seen my parents or Noah since I watched them drive away in the ambulance. I know they are in a fatal state though. Smith has tried his hardest to keep me occupied and to prevent me from worrying about my family.

"Blaire...I'm so sorry. Your parents, they've, they're, they're gone honey. Noah too. I'm so sorry Blaire we've tried our best but the burns were so bad," he was crying now and I stared at him.

Narrowing my eyes, I hissed "You're wrong. You're wrong. You're lying. You're lying to me!" I screamed. I wasn't crying, I knew he was wrong. I stood up abruptly and ripped the wire from my finger.

"Blaire wait!" He was too late. I ripped open the door and marched down the hospital corridor.

"He's wrong," I repeated under my breath. "He's wrong."

Ward 30.

Ward 31.

Ward 32.

I stopped briefly, taking in a deep breath before bursting through the doors. There were three consecutive beds, all occupied by my mother, father and Noah. They lay there lifeless and not breathing. I let out a piercing scream before crumbling to the floor, clawing at my scalp. Tears flooded my vision and I couldn't stop screaming. Everything stopped, I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything and I couldn't breathe. It felt as thought the concrete walls were closing in on my,I was suffocating. My body shook, I don't know whether it was from my screams or my tears but that was the last thing I remembered before waking up in my hospital bed, numb and empty.

*end of flashback*

Smith being my Godfather told me I would live with him but I refused, I had finished college anyway and there was nothing left for me in that town. Nothing but painful memories that I wanted to escape that. I searched online for Universities that offered a Psychiatry course. I want to be a Psychiatrist. The closest university was two hours away. I found an apartment complex five minutes away from campus and decided I wanted to take up that course and buy and apartment with the money my parents had left me; it wasn't much but plenty to live on. Besides, I was planning on getting a job at the weekends. Smith made sure I was positive about everything before agreeing to it too. He promised to visit as much as possible which would be difficult considering his busy schedule at the hospital but he promised. He also promised to send money every month but I denied his offer so he told me to tell him whenever I did need it.

A week after their death, Smith drove me to Willow Grove and helped me to set up my apartment. He would be returning in a weeks time to pick me up for the funeral.

My apartment was small but snug. It had a master bedroom with a closet and adjoining bathroom with a bath and shower, a spare bedroom, living room and kitchen with a dining table. I liked it but it still didn't feel like home, I was too lonely.

The master bedroom was extremely spacious with a king sized bed in the centre, a large mirror was suspended on the wall, above a dresser and set of draws. Two bedside tables stood adjacent to the bed with two lamps standing on top of them. The colour scheme was black and grey, dark like my life.

The bathroom was fairly large too. A free standing bath stood in the middle of the tiled floor, near the toilet and sink. The shower was hidden away in the corner of the room. The bathroom was very luxurious, like something from an Audrey Hepburn movie.

The spare bedroom was white and simple, nothing very interesting.

The sitting room was very cosy with two double sofas and a large television screen in the wall. The fireplace below the television gave the room a toasty war feel to it and the bookcase filled with novels made the room comfortable, more like home but still not home. I just hope it will feel like home when I settle in.

Once Smith left, I went straight to bed, hoping for the pain to go away. I lay in bed for hours before I fell into a slumber, thinking of all the things Noah could have done in his life if only I had died instead of him.