Sacrifice - part 1

When you feel like your world is falling apart, what do you do? Do you run? Or do you fight? This is a question i have been asking myself for three years. When i talk to people about this, they don't always understand what i'm talking about. You see depression  is something either people understand or people will completely disregard it. But no i am not going to be the type of person that goes ''my name is...and i have...or this is my story...'' I hate doing that, my therapy group gets me to do that, and honestly it sucks. I mean yeah i have depression, yes i have anxiety. But life could be worse. My parents could be divorced, i could have cancer. I could be dead. But that's the thing about depression. I realise this, but it doesn't stop the way i feel. Constantly paranoid, trying not to think i'm fucking up the rest of my life and the people i care about. You try to make descicions that will help others, but end up regretting it, and feeling like you fucked up everything that you loved, and you start to think you will never get it back. Anway thats enough about depressing depression. All you need to know about me is, i'm Courtney, i'm eighteen and i'm a mental patient. I'm not going to say ''i am suffering from depression'' because i don't want to be labelled like that. i don't want people to look at me like that. ''Courtney. Let us in.'' SHIT! They banged on the door so harsh, my table shook. I quickly closed my diary. I didn't want them to read it. I went to the corner of my wall. I pulled out a square of my wall, i had created so i could keep all of my secrets safe. I put my pen and diary in there and put my cell back together. I walked towards my door. I blocked it with my desk. 'what were they going to do when they get me.' You never knew with these people. One day they were kind, and then other times (which was 90% of the time) they were cruel forceful, the devil himself. Again they bashed on the door. I was at some point going to have to open the door. But i was scared... My shaking hands shoved the desk out of the way. ''Courtney open the door now!'' One woman shouted, and like iv'e had to do a million times. I obeyed. When i opened the door, everything went black...