My eyes flutter open, and the first thing they land on is the soft shadow of an acoustic guitar lightly leaning against the bed frame.
The blue walls around me resemble the ocean and I can't help but smile. I've always loved the ocean, floating on my back above an empty void. The awareness of the pain and loneliness her and I have in common, lazily forms around us like a grey cloud on a summer day.
A small alarm clock by my head shows the time.
6am.
I climb out of bed, gather my clothes and slip them on quickly. The blue dress is a crumpled mess and the heel of my left shoe is broken. This makes it much more difficult to climb out of Raven's window. I decide that it's better to just leave them in his room and go home bare foot.
As soon as my feet touch the ground, I realise I have no idea where I am. Walking around aimlessly seems like the most reasonable option right now. I can't call my mother nor my friends and I certainly can't go back to Raven's house. I check my phone even though I know nobody important has messaged me in the last 12 hours. Sighing, I place my phone back in my purse, and walk in what I think is the right direction.
x
I have an hour before my mother wakes up and the only way back into the house is by going through the window. Again. Climbing through a window is harder than you think. I mean, it sounds like some super spiderman shit, but it is physically impossible to climb through a three story window without getting at least three thousand bruises on your body.
The only thing on my mind is having a shower. I know for a fact the I stink. My body is aching, a mixture of lack of sleep and walking around for almost an hour with no shoes on isn't ideal at 6am on a Sunday morning. I'm literally craving the warm water and raspberry soap. Even though soap doesn't actually clean you, it just makes the water molecules smaller so that the water can go into smaller crevices in your skin.
But I mean whatever. I like the smell of it.
Judging from the state of my dress, I know I'm never going to wear it again. The tips are frayed and torn. The sequins are hanging limp from a thin thread; many have already fallen off all together. The deep blue of the dress is now a sickly green. I don't care. I didn't even like the dress that much. I'm fine. Just fine.
I step into the shower and let the hot water hit my back. I watch the water vapor fog up the mirror and finally start scrubbing my body clean.
By the time I step out of the shower, my body is red and raw. I'm so repulsed by what I did last night. Never did I drink to the point of having to be saved. Especially by Raven. I don't want to be seen as a weak vulnerable little girl. I want him to see me as an intelligent, young woman who has high standards. All I want to do it crawl into bed and cry. But I don't cry. I haven't cried since the day my father left.
x
This is a terrible chapter I'm sorry I didn't know what to write!
