The feelings

Madrid

Clubbing in Madrid was the first time ever that I have been clubbing and I loved it. The scenery was beautiful and these two good looking guys came up to us and asked my sister and I if we were interested in clubbing. My initial thought was "NO!" I wasn't the type to and I thought I wouldn't enjoy it. The following night we went clubbing crawl I think (you have a certain time to dance in one club and move to another club until you reach the ultimate club which starts at 3am)
I was in my second club and this really good looking guy, I call him British American guy spoke to me. For some reason I felt really special because I thought for once in my life I feel pretty, he spoke to me not because he was forced to make fun of me, but because he found me attractive.
Do you speak English?" He said. I singed in relieve and replied "god yes I do" he then said "don't worry I'm not gonna hit on you I just want to lean on the wall. He then continued to talk to me "where are you from?"
"England." I replied
"Really?! I'm from Manchester, where shouts are you from?" He asked
"Berkshire" I said, then remembered that it wasn't that big and where I live is very small, I held his forearm with my left hand and touched it at the same time with my right looking up at him as though I thought he would question the place. But he nodded. The conversation didn't last a Spanish guy said something to him and he left.
Why did I kept pondering on the cute guy I met in the club?
I just thought because of how insecure I felt. I came back home and my family doesn't seem to think I'm pretty. And in England I'm not even considered good looking. Foreign countries seem to accept me and I felt confident after that. He made me feel confident about being black, being me. Looking the way I did. The good thing about it all is that it came from someone that I found attractive. That I thought would completely ignore me one the streets, but in a club filled with many women that are gorgeous and not wearing much clothes on he chose me as one of the women he would talk to that night as someone that he could either hook up with or just talk to because I looked good. That's why I was so held on to him.
When with him I felt secure.

I then came back home to tell my family only for hem to reply with "he wasn't interested" because I didn't catch his name and because he left. I said he was really good looking and therefore to them he just can't simply be interested in me. Which is why my insecurity came back. I hid inside myself not wanting to come out.
I kept thinking about what happened and thought maybe their right. Maybe I can't find someone good looking enough to like me.
I came up with the conclusion that I would always be alone and that my time would never arrive so I'm making a 30 year plan instead of 10 so I keep myself busy and not allow to fool myself about guys especially the cute ones liking me. Because the only ones I can attract is the creepy old ones. X