blue

You always associated the colour blue with the cold. Heartless, ruthless, cold. You've always thought anyone who liked the colour wasn't worth the time. Green was more to your taste, suited you well. You like the cosiness it adds to a forest, and the vibrant effect it brings to tea. Green was the birds sitting on tree tops, singing their song in the early hours of the morning. Green was the colour of every right answer. Green was you. Blue was not that. Blue was crashing waves, breaking through rocks or anything in its path. Blue was cold winter nights, ice shards scattered on the ground. Blue was hospital rooms, filled with people's pearl-shaped tears. Blue was sadness. Blue was Clarke.

You sit at the stands, the cup of coffee encircled by your hands. It's warm, but the heat has escaped it. You've played through this scene in your head several times. You would arrive, you would wait. She would be in the water, swimming her last lap of the race, and as she lifts herself out of the pool, she would look at you. You would smile, of course you would. That is just who you are, polite at every moment. She would turn away, pretend she has not seen you, even though the two of you know for a fact she has. She'd walk towards the changing stalls, to rid herself of the swimming attire, while you wait patiently for her to arrive. She would walk out of the room, receive her trophy for winning the race, and then the tournament as she smiles at the left bottom most corner of the stalls. The smile that was once reserved for you.

But now sitting here, you know something is wrong. The stalls are empty, as well as the pool. You knew the tournament was cancelled, you knew it had been postponed until the next week. But you knew she would be training. All those mornings spent memorising the other's schedules did not go to waste. You remember bringing her a chocolate bar, dark chocolate always, and a bottle of powerade before she left for training. You remember arriving at this time, sitting on the stands with your cup of coffee, patiently waiting for her to change so you could both leave and go home. You remember the car rides, and neither of you ever being able to decide on a channel, so you end up switching the radio off because time spent with her is better than any love song a person could write. So of course when she isn't here you begin to worry. Panic. But then you hear a familiar voice.

'You came back?' It appears almost as a question, and the crack in her voice is enough to make you want to drop the cup in your hands and rush to her side. Clarke's eyes are still warm, which was definitely not what you were expecting. None of this is what you were expecting. The blue in them search the green in yours, a look you have become accustomed to over the years. Her thumbs fiddle with the hem of her winter coat, idly waiting for you to speak. You played it over in your head, you know what you should say.

'I did.' Her face drops, not enough for a stranger to notice. But you aren't a stranger.

'How...how are you?' She doesn't meet your eyes, she doesn't have to. You both know the answer. You both know what this entire conversation is about. 'I'm sorry.'

Those two words were enough to make the tears fall from your eyes, but not from hers. She still waits, which is not Clarke. She never waits, she never calculates, always acts on impulse.

'You were right. You were right about everything, but especially one thing. I want to take everything from you, and give you ten times the amount. I want you. I know you probably hate me after what I did but you are my best friend.' You continue on, the tears are still falling but you don't care. 'I trust you more than anyone in the world, you understand me. You do not stop trying to understand me.' You take a deep breath, unsteady when Clarke's finger brushes the swell of your lower lip.

'I got lost in the words that always play on my mind. I knew I had to stop, but never tried or wanted to do so. I choose head over heart and by the time that I realised what I had done, you were gone.' You whisper. 'I lost the best thing that could have ever happened to me. You should know Clarke, I've got nothing on you. And I will happily spend the rest of my time on this earth proving to you that you could take the world over in the blink of your eye, by yourself if you tried. But you don't have to do it by yourself Clarke, if you don't want to.' Clarke's breathe catches because of what she sees in your expression. Her thumb brushes your cheek, and you feel a dampness spread across them. You must be crying.

When you do not say anything, Clarke loosens the grip on your hands but she doesn't move away. You do not know what to do because your wildest dream is unfolding before your eyes. Clarke's cheeks shake, with tears threatening to spill, and you pull yourselves together so your foreheads touch.

'I love you.' You hear the words fall out of Clarke's mouth. You don't know what to do beside slap yourself to make sure you're not dreaming. 'I love you and I will not let anyone hurt you. I will never leave you... even if you begged me to. But you can't leave me either okay?' Clarke's tears spill in a flood, soaking the fabric of her jeans. 'You can't.'

It's such a strange request, you find yourself searching for a thread of doubt. A flicker that shows double intention, but you know better. Clarke doesn't let herself break, especially not in front of you. You never knew it would mean a million times more for someone to beg you not to leave. 'Trust me. Clarke, you can trust me.' Clarke's bottom lip trembles and she looks so scared. You swallow and rub Clarke's back, circling the same spot in an attempt to calm her down.

'I already do.' Clarke whispers into your hair. 'I do trust you.'

Clarke swallows and her smile is bigger than the morning sun, her eyes brighter than a million stars. Love coats her features and leaning in to kiss her is like coming up for air. It's like coming up for air and you gasp her in, fill your lungs with her, and love the way that the warmth of her spreads through your skin.

You've always associated the colour blue with the cold. Heartless, ruthless, cold. But for once in your life you've never felt warmer while gazing upon the colour.