Notes

:(:

It seams like it never stops, the constant pain and suffering just seams impossible to get away from.

I don't eat much now...It was hard to stop the habit and the need to eat, but I did it. But since I broke a habit, I've also gained a new one, the habit of constantly destroying myself.

I try so hard to hide all of my emotions because I don't want anyone to know how week and pathetic I am. But deep down I'm begging for someone to notice how broken I am, to notice much I constantly lie about how I'm doing, to notice how every time someone tries to make conversation with me or looks me in the eyes, I immediately panic.

I don't talk anymore, I've developed some new scares, my eyes don't shine like they used too...The list goes on, SO much has changed about me but people just don't seam to care enough to notice.

All the time people will ask me stuff like, " Why do you read so much? Are you too good enough to be social?" or "Why are you constantly listening to music? Is it because you're too much of a loner to talk to anyone?" But the reason why I read and listen to music so much is because I'm desperately trying to escape my horrible reality.

Everybody thinks I'm this stuck up, goody two shoes. But little do they know how many times I've cried myself to sleep or how many times I've sat on the floor in my quiet room, thinking about ending everything.

Nobody cares about a person unless they're pretty or dead, and I'm neither of those things but I've been wishing I were one of them.