It destroyed her.
It destroyed her dreams.
It destroyed our dreams.
It destroyed us.
Tinatanong nila ako kung paano ko natitiis ang lahat ng ito. Maybe because I was still pretending that I can take care of her, just because I love her. But I'm not perfect, I'm no saint. And I knew from that moment, that I couldn't stay from her side for too long. I'm still a young man, I'm still immature and stupid. I am drunk on the idea that love could heal all this brokenness, but then it can't.
It all fell apart. Love, sometimes it's making us ill. I decided to bring her to a place where she can rehabilitate, where she can be taken care of. That's the best thing I could do for her... and for me.
"You're leaving me here Dalton? But why? Anong ginawa ko? Ayaw mo na rin ba sa akin?"
"No Chie, babalik ako."
"Kelan?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Hindi ko alam. The doctor said she will never be normal again. Never. And that broke my heart. She looked at me with those eyes, that she trusts me, that I will come back for her.
"Goodbye Chie."
"You'll give me a call right?"
"I will."
I will even though I don't want to. I called her again after one year, I asked the nurse to let me talk to her. Chienna told me she misses me. She reminded me our 1 AM calls and our dreams. I really hate taking a trip down memory lane, it hurts like hell.
"Kelan mo ba ako susunduin?" tanong niya sa akin.
"Soon Chie, hindi mo lang alam kung gaano kasakit... na... wala ka dito sa tabi ko. Pero sana maintindihan mo. I promise, babalikan kita. You're all I ever think about Chie, tandaan mo yan." sagot ko naman.
I hate myself for breaking my own promises. But at that time, it was all fresh for me. Like love, is the only thing that matters. And I thought that she can save herself, for me, for us. They say that when we are growing up, we are also drifting away from the things we used to like. We will realize how the real world works, what are the things that really matter, and when we're starting to crave for our goals and dreams.
"Wag kang ganyan Chie, you should understand. And more importantly, you must take care of your health. I'll call aga----"
"AYOKO! DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE DALTON!" sigaw niya sa akin.
"Bakit Chie? Don't say that. I'll call you again and again--"
"DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE! I don't need your calls! Gusto ko makasama ka, gusto kong hawakan yung kamay mo, gusto kitang yakapin, gusto kitang makita ulit! Ang sakit na kasi, lagi na lang akong naghihintay! Hanggang kelan ba ako maghihintay sayo?"
Kung alam niya lang sana na yun din ang hinihilig ko. Kung sana alam lang niyang mas masakit sa akin ang mga nangyari dahil wala akong magawa. Kung sana alam lang niya na ayoko siyang paghintayin. Kung alam niya lang sana na unti-unti na akong nawawalan ng pag-asa. Kung sana sinabi ko sa kanya.
"Just wait for me, Goodbye Chie--"
Bigla kong narinig ang pagkabagsak ng telepono sa kabilang linya.
"Chie?"
"Chienna?"
Nakarinig ako ng malalakas na sigaw at iyak. I'm sorry Chie, hindi na sana ako tumawag. She'll wait for me, she'll hope that I will come and get her..., she will be broken than she ever was. I don't want to be the reason for her condition to be more severe. I don't want to make more promises I cannot keep. I don't want to miss her more because we will never see each other again, cause I'm not planning to. Everything will be okay they say-- but no, for me and for her... there's no everything.
I made my resolution. As the years passed, I tried hard to forget about her, I tried to move on. I love my current job, I have my fiance beside me and I am living a happy life now. I don't want to wake up in the morning with regrets. Maybe in the corner of her mind, or in the corner of her heart... that's also what she wishes for.
I don't believe in wrong time or wrong place, everything was right. Right but full of imperfections, but it is what completes us. I cannot imagine a life without being able to meet her. It is called accepting rather than regretting. I loved her-- past tense-- a lot more than other people could think of.
"... if I were to describe what happened, it's like giving you a chance to take a peek inside a paradise and knowing that you cannot go in. Or maybe reading an amazing book and learning that there is no part two. No matter what you do, it wouldn't change anything."
Tiningnan niya lang ako, wala siyang sinabi. Bigla niyang tinakpan ang bibig niya at namuo ang mga luha mula sa mga mata niya.
"It's a past that I cannot erase."
"Do you still love her? That girl, Chienna?"
"I loved her, yes. But you, you are my fiance. You're here with me now. And I wouldn't tell you all of this if---"
"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi sa akin... lahat?"
"That face you're giving me right now, that's what I am scared of. You'll look at me differently." sagot ko.
"I'm sorry Dalton... this is too much for me to handle... I just can't..." Tumakbo siya palabas at iniwan niya ang engagement ring namin. And I assume, she's still crying. I understand her, I've felt the same thing before. Even though I didn't ask why, I know the reason. And anyone wouldn't want that, leaving someone because you have no choice or you have no strength to believe that there's a choice. Unlike in books, there may be plot twists but there are no sequels in real life. Letting go is the only option.
I sighed, God must be so fickle. Life really is, too much to handle.
--X
A/N: There you have it. Yay! Kasi sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa mga nagbasa ng 1AM. I really did my best, sana hindi po kayo na-disappoint. Di pa to edited, sorry for the grammatical errors. Wala na pong part three, thank you!
Part Two
Start from the beginning
