Best for Us (GU #3)

then pt. 2

Buong linggo ko rin itong pinag-isipan, naghahanap ng dahilan para hindi ko ito ituloy. Pero mula nang magreply ako kay Tyler nung araw na iyon, alam kong hindi na ako magbaback out pa.

I knew what could happen tonight. The same thing that happened to all the girls Tyler had met. At kahit matagal ko nang alam to, buo pa rin ang loob kong gawin ito. Alam ko, saanmang anggulo, mukha akong desperada. But I was decided. I knew all along there was no way Tyler would give me a chance, or even a look. And if I keep on waiting and hoping for him to do that, it'd take forever.

Kaya ako na ang gumawa ng paraan. Kung hindi niya magawang pasukin ang mundo ko, ako ang gagawa noon. So this happened. My only chance to have a moment with him is to sleep with him.

Alam kong mali ito. A very foolish decision. My parents would skin me alive once they'd know about this. But I was just damn crazy about Tyler I was ready to do anything just to have a moment with him. Even for just a night.

I was lost in my trance when my phone beeped. Kinuha ko iyon mula sa dresser at napahigit ng hininga nang makitang galing iyon kay Tyler. And his text read: 'Elevator.'

Damn. One word yet enough to drive my insides wild. Ibinaba ko ang cellphone sa dresser at tiningnan ang sarili sa salamin. I didn't dress up for this. I laughed silently. Ang totoo, kabaligtaran pa nga. I was wearing nothing-except this silk blue robe that was covering my body and a pair of red lacey underwear underneath it that I personally bought three days ago. I knew this was too much. And I really looked like a hooker right now. But then again, wasn't that the purpose why I was here? To hook up with Tyler?

My phone beeped again. I checked it immediately. 'Here outside your door. Mind to let me in?'

Napabuga ako ng malalim na hininga. Ang bilis niya. As I had planned, I replied on his text instead of standing up and opening the door for him. 'The code is 2375. Let yourself in.'

This unit had only one room. And I was sure once Tyler got in, he'd know where he should go next. Ang lapit lapit na namin sa isa't-isa. I closed my eyes. This is it, Van. It's now or never. It's too late to chicken out.

Mula sa likuran ay narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto. He was here. The room was dimly lit. Ang tanging ilaw lang ay nanggagaling sa lampshade sa gilid ng kama. Ngunit alam kong mula sa posisyon ni Tyler ay kitang-kita niya ako ngayon.

He cleared his throat then I heard the door being closed. My heart was beating against my chest rapidly. Thud, thud, thud.

Tumayo ako sa vanity chair. I felt him walk toward me. He stopped, reached a hand and put it on my shoulder, sending shivers down my spine. "I'm here."

Napatayo ako na siyang naging dahilan para ang kamay niyang nasa balikat ko'y bumaba patungo sa likod ko, masuyong hinaplos iyon. Kahit pa ang suot kong roba ay hindi napigilan ang pagtayo ng balahibo sa mga bahaging nadaanan ng kamay ni Tyler.

Tumigil ang kamay niya sa bewang ko saka siya nagsalita. "Aren't you going to face me, Valeen?"

Lumunok muna ako bago ginawa ang sinabi niya. Nang tuluyang makaharap sa kanya't magtama ang mga mata namin, kitang-kita ko kung paano napuno ng pagkagulat ang mukha ni Tyler. Kilala niya ako.

Tila parang napaso ng apoy, inalis niya ang kamay sa bewang ko, humakbang palayo at napamura. Tiningnan niya pa akong muli pagkatapos ay kinusot ang parehong mga mata, tila parang kinukumbinsi niya ang sarili na totoo ang nakikita.

"What the hell, Vanessa!" he growled.

Wincing at his voice, I looked away. There was too much anger in it. To think that was directed at me, it scared me.

"What's this?" sunod niyang tanong.

I chewed on my bottom lip. I was so damn nervous. I couldn't even look at Tyler right now.

Pero muli siyang sumigaw. "Answer my damn question, Vanessa! What the fuck is this?"

Doon na ako dahan-dahang tumingin sa kanya. Katulad pa rin ng dati ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mukha. His jaw was clenched. His eyes were shooting daggers at me. I could even be killed by how feral they looked. But I had to answer him.

So I did. 

Trying to steady my voice, I flashed a sweet smile at him, thinking of my plan. "Hook up. We're gonna hook up, right? That's why you're here. That's what we agreed to do."

He laughed dryly as he shook his head unbelievingly at me. "Do you even hear yourself right now?" he shot back. "And what fucking agreement? You fooled me. Nagpakilala ka bilang ibang babae kaya pumayag ako. Kaya ako nandito. Why did you do that, huh? Why did you fool me?"

"I like you," mahina kong sagot. "I've like you for years now, Tyler." Medyo lumakas na ang boses ko. "And I want you. I want you to look at me. I want you to see me. At ito lang ang paraan na alam ko para tingnan mo ako. I want this okay? I want you to have me."

He stared at me, his face was blank. Hindi ko masabi kung ano ang kanyang reaksyon sa ginawa kong pagtatapat. But his silence somehow gave me hope, like he was considering this. Like he was considering me. And somehow, it did also bring me courage. Napunta ang kamay ko sa tali ng robe sa gitna at marahang kinalas 'yun. Saka dahan-dahang tinanggal iyon sa katawan ko hanggang mahulog sa sahig.

I was standing in front of Tyler now with just my lacey underwear on. But he didn't budge. Still, I got no reaction from him. Ni hindi nga bumaba ang mata niya sa katawan kong lantad na lantad na ngayon. His eyes never left mine. And I didn't know what to feel about that.

Again, I tried it. I smiled seductively at him as I reached out a hand as I said, "You can have me, Tyler."

Tumawa na naman siya ng hilaw tapos ay nagsimulang humakbang papalapit sa akin. At napalunok ako. Ito na ba 'yun? Gagawin niya na ba?

Tumigil siya nang halos isang ilang dangkal na lang ang layo naming dalawa. And from here, I could really feel him. He bent down and my insides started to get wild. Anong gagawin niya doon sa baba? Doon niya ba sisimulan?

But I didn't feel Tyler's hands on me. Instead when he stood up straight again, I saw him holding the robe. Sunod ay ipinatong ang saplot sa magkabilang balikat ko, tinaling muli, upang matakpan ang kabuuan ko.

He met my gaze again. "I will not take you, Vanessa," he firmly said as he looked intently at my eyes. "Not now. Not ever. So forget your stupid feelings for me because believe me, it will get you nowhere."

And with that, he left me there. Cold and brokenhearted.

Napakuyom ako ng mga palad. Ang sakit. This was my last straw. The last thing I thought would make Tyler see me. But it failed. I failed. And I thought, was I that hopeless? Was I that repulsive? Na kahit pa nakabalandra na ang katawan ko sa harapan niya'y, hindi man lang niya ito pinansin?

Anong kulang sa akin? Anong mali sa akin?

Then his words played in my head again, mocking me, digging the already deep scar in my heart deeper. And wider. He told me to forget about my feelings for him. And heck, I would do that. Just that, it wouldn't only my feelings for him I will erase in my mind and heart.

I cried and cried and promised that night I wouldn't cry because of Tyler Villaruiz again. At sa gabing iyon, napagdesisyunan ko na ring kalimutan ang lahat ng tungkol sa kanya.

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