heyy dis is not copyright!! dis is new moan by Stephfordy Mayo or sumthin!! its a Twilight parody nd it is the 1st in the twishite saga!!
New moan
Preface
Not to be melodramatic, but i was totally about to die. How had i ended up like this lying on my back, gasping for breath, while a shadowy figure loomed over me?
It's true what they say- your life does flash before your eyes in your final moments. Before moving to spatula, I hadn't had much of a life, but that all changed in the past few months. Now, it seemed as if there were almost too many exciting incidents for an ordinary teenage girl to have lived through. Stephfordy Mayo had made me a total trouble magnet.
The memories blurred together as my oxygen- starved brain flitted crazily from one recollection to the next. So one minute i was enjoying my lunch in the school cafeteria, the next i found myself tied to a chair. A ghastly cacophony of sound tortured my soul, and beneath it rang the cackle of the monster who wanted to kill me. Another jump and i was sitting on the edge of a bed, my beloved's hand itching up my thigh...
No time to enjoy it though for my memories hurled me ever onwards: a gang of zombies shuffling through the woods, intent on eating my brains; an english class in which we wee studying shakespeare (again); a man transforming into a wolf, a crowd of spotty lust filled teenagers pulling at my clothes...
And always, always there was the figure of Teddy kelledy- my love, my soulmate, my stiff angel-
"Heffa Lump!"
"what?" i murmured, still lost in the visions passing before my eyes.
"stop holding your breath; your about to pass out."
I lifted the plastic bag off of my head and inhaled reluctantly.
"but i was just about tot get to the part where you take your shirt off! And anyways if i dont start with a flashback how will the readers know there's all this exciting stuff to come? There are loads of chapters which are basically just you and me talking about our favourite colours and stuff, it's only fair to reassure people that there is going to be some action too."
Teddy place a frigid calming hand on mine. " if this is going to make any sense i think you should start at the beginning. Besides, heffa, ours is a love story for the ages; how could it fail to enrapture, enchant and..."
"engorge?" i suggested
Teddy looked stern. he could be so unbending, though this was usually a feature i enjoyed rather a lot. he was probably right, though. he usually was, being the most perfectest creature that had ever stalked the earth. I closed my eyes and went back to the day it had all began...
