Life Lines

23: Rock'em Sock'em Robots

"I'll talk to him when he gets here. I don't want him missing school either. What about Cecil?"

His face hardened just a tad. "Your uncle said he stayed quiet for the whole hour they were in there. Didn't utter a word. When he was released, he did tell your uncle to tell me that he'd come by to check on you later."

"When was later?"

"It's Thursday morning. He came by last night after I sent Schylar home. I had to literally pry him off the floor by the way."

"How long did Cecil stay?"

"Couple of minutes. He was the one who told me you probably wouldn't wake up until today. He's so different. It was strange talking to him again. Or even being in the same room. He doesn't have the same cheery disposition anymore."

"No. He doesn't but it's in there somewhere. I've seen it. Did he say if he's coming back?"

"He didn't say. Then again I didn't ask."

* 

Maybe fifteen minutes after the final bell rang at the school, Schylar was knocking at the door. My father let him in and then told me he was headed to office. This was how it was going to be apparently. Once I lost one watch dog, it would be replaced with another. So Schylar and I sat on the couch watching a horribly done zombie movie, him trying to distract me from the homework he brought me and me trying to figure out the answer to the meanings behind every character in the Wizard of Oz. I'd missed the lecture obviously. I knew they changed the shoes from silver to red...

"I've got a joke for you."

I smiled at him. "I've heard all your jokes."

"This one is good."

"Is it raunchy?"

He just smiled. "A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop. On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

"Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

"The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.""

I stared at him, unable to believe he told me a religious joke. "Are you kidding me? Seriously? I have homework to do."