The Marauders: Year Three | #Wattys2016

Sniff Me, Mate

"Yeah," Sirius agreed.

"Talk about someone who comes off rather strong -" James shook his head, "He's like the most intense person in the entire planet! And that smell --"

Sirius snorted, "That is what comes off strongest from him."

James nodded, "Exactly! I smell good, don't I?"

Sirius breathed deeply, channeling his inner Snuffles. "A bit... hmm, what is that smell? Like... like a musk, I guess."

"Musk?" James looked concerned, "Is that good?"

Sirius shrugged, "Dunno. You smell like a boy."

"Well I am a boy."

"Good thing, since you smell like one, then, huh?" Sirius smirked.

"But is boy a good smell or a bad one?" James demanded.

Sirius shrugged, "Dunno! You smell like James! Everyone smells differently, and you just smell like James to me. I dunno if that's good or bad. Blimey."

"Well what do Peter and Rey smell like?" James asked.

"Like Peter and Rey," Sirius replied.

"No! If I smell like musk, then what do they smell like?"

Sirius thought a moment, "Peter sort of smells like the kitchen. Like a roast or something in the oven. Like oregano!" He paused, thinking about Remus and the scent he put off and he hesitated, sort of biting his lip and said, "Remus smells like... like the forest, like chocolate and... I dunno, like... How do I describe this? Alright, you know when you have a favorite jumper and you sort of wear it a really long time and it gets super comfortable and you just want to live in it for always?"

James stared at Sirius with a raised eyebrow.

"That feeling is how Remus smells."

James blinked, unsure how to answer that.

The door opened then and Remus himself, their jumper-scented friend, came in, followed closely by Peter. "Bumped into Pomfrey on the way up," he announced, "She says I've got to go see her once a week starting next week to exercise my leg so I can stop using these blasted crutches!" Remus was ecstatic as he lowered himself awkwardly into his desk chair, "She says I could be off 'em by Christmas!" He grinned.

"What's going on?" Peter asked, for once being the observant one. He looked between James and Sirius.

James jumped up to Remus, "Sniff me, mate!"

Remus looked utterly taken aback, "Excuse me?"

"Do I smell poorly?" James asked.

Peter blinked in surprise, "What?"

Remus leaned forward and sniffed James, "You smell alright."

"What makes you want to know what you smell like?" Peter asked, "Why can't you just smell yourself?"

"Can you smell yourself?" James challenged him.

Peter looked perplexed by the idea that maybe he couldn't smell himself, and he looked 'round at Remus and Sirius, "Do I smell?"

"Blimey!" Sirius sighed, "You lot are all mental!"

"Us lot?" Remus asked, "Don't include me in on this, I didn't start the sniff-me conversation here!"

"Anyone know a good potion to make me smell better?" James asked, ignoring the fact he'd just been called mental.

"It's called cologne, mate," Remus said.

"Cologne?" Sirius sat up, "Like perfume?"

"For men, yeah," Remus answered.

"Well where do I get cologne?" James asked.

"You don't ruddy need cologne, you imbecile," Sirius said.

"I reckon you probably could do in Hogsmeade," Peter suggested, ignoring Sirius telling James he didn't need any.

James replied, ignoring Peter's suggestion, "Well if I smell like musk I do!"

"Musk?" Peter looked surprised.

"According to Sirius --"

Remus breathed James in again, "Yeah, actually now you said it, I do get a bit of musk. Must be those antlers in you trying to come out."

"Bloody head prongs!" exclaimed James.

"What brought this up again?" Peter asked, looking between them in confusion.

Sirius sighed, "James thinks he smells worse than Snivellus Snape and that's why Lily Evans doesn't want to hug him."

"Well I'm better than Snape on every level there is," James said, "Obviously if she was paying attention she'd want to hug me."

"I'm sorry, when was Lily hugging Severus? I thought they were fighting again?" Remus asked, trying desperately to catch up with James and Sirius's fast-paced progression.

Sirius shook his head, "No, she was hugging me. Instead of going to Transfiguration, Lily took me down the hall and hugged me a while."

"Wait -- what?" Peter exclaimed.

"I know!" James said, reacting to the surprised expressions on Remus and Peter's face, "It should've been me she was hugging!"

Remus shook his head, "Actually that's about the only thing that would be more shocking than her hugging Sirius." He looked at Sirius, "What was she hugging you for?"

"Because of Petunia."

"Who's Petunia?" Peter asked, looking 'round.

"Lily's twin sister," Remus replied.

"Lily's got a sister? That's right! And she doesn't go to Hogwarts, huh? Wait!! Is she a squib?!" Peter asked, hopefully.

"No," Sirius answered, "She's just a muggle."

"Oh." Peter looked disappointed.

"But she and Lily haven't been getting on, like me and Regulus aren't getting on and Lily asked me if I could tell her how to deal with it -- emotionally. So she brings me down the hall to this empty classroom and --"

"I have to figure out a way to get her to pay attention to me instead of Severus Snape!" James suddenly exclaimed.

Sirius looked at him, "I wasn't telling a story or anything. Do go on."

James was pacing now, "I've got to find a way to impress her, to make her be like blimey, that James Potter -- and want me."

"You might want to try just being nice to her," Remus suggested.

"I need to become the most bloody amazing quidditch player in the entire school!" James announced. "That's what I need to do!"

Remus looked around the other two. "Am I mute?"

"No mate, James is deaf," Sirius replied.

"I'M GOING TO BE THE GOD OF THE PITCH!" James shouted. "I already won one bloody trophy - well I'll win them all! That trophy hall will be a shrine to the name of Potter!!!" He held a hand up in dramatic fashion, climbing his bed to stand like a statue, "I'll be legendary. I'll be popular! And funny. Blimey will I be funny. And smart. I will be so smart that I'll correct Evans at things!"

Peter raised an eyebrow.

"Bloody hell, his ego's getting bigger," said Remus.

"I didn't think it could get any bigger than it already was," Peter whispered. "We've lost him," muttered Sirius, "He's never coming down."

"EVANS WILL LOVE ME, YOU'LL SEE! I'LL MAKE HER LOVE ME!" James went on.

"Yeah, we'll just see about that," Sirius scoffed.