Blog

Entry One

Today we helped my mom move her exercise equipment. She doesn't use it but... I feel like it makes herself feel better just having it. Since she's gotten it I've only seen her use it twice. I think she has had it for almost two years now... My family is a mess I have three brothers. Or two. I don't know how to answer that question anymore.
About five years ago my half brother took his life. He was twenty one. My other two brothers were in middle school and I was in my last year of elementary school. Life continues on but you never forget the ones that you have lost. The middle child Brayden went off to this military school for six months. He won't be back for a long time.
And my semi boyfriend of seven months went to a military training camp for three months. The only person I can talk to. The only person I want to talk to, to tell him these kinds of things. It's confusing but I'll get around to it. Anyway..
Since Brayden is gone he can't help move our mother so my mom took his place in helping move the damn thing (exercise equipment). My dad wanted me to step in and help but my mother kept swatting me away and making mean comments about my abilities. I try so hard to fit in with my own family. I guess I'm just too different.
My mother hasn't really been around since my parents divorce- scratch that. My mother hasn't been there for me growing up. At all.
When I first got my period I didn't know what was happening and I was scared so I ran to my dad. I live full time with him. He sent me to my mom. I called, and called, and called. She didn't return my calls or texts for almost two weeks. By then I had already talked to my friends and school nurse about it. I yelled at my mom because I got ahold of her one time within those days and she admitted to reading my text and listening to my voice mails. Then she'd answer none of my questions.
She has told me I can come to her about anything. About boy drama, or anything. I had a fight with my friend and went to talk to my mom about it and she called me a drama queen. Told me to get over it.
There was this one time I had a friend come over and she has big boobs. My mom looked at her then me and said. 'why are you so flat chested, you should grow some boobs. Yours are none existent' my friend and mom laughed at me.
My mother and I have no good relationship. We can get along for only so long.