I wish there was an easy way out, they say a quick way is an easy way but it's just more nerve-wracking to consider...
I wish there was a way to escape, the 3am bursts of sheer terror that i can't recover from until i fall asleep. The stress of school and trying to focus on my friends more than me because the latter is selfish...one wont stop self harming therefore i must be harsh until she listens, another wants to die so badly and i need to prevent it, i have to be a kind person i have to help them, i have to be a therapist of some sort because if i dont then they'll hate me...but why do i do it???
They never tried to stop me from self harming, why should i? They never asked what was wrong, why should i? They never tried to stop me from crying or acted concerned when they said they "hated their lives" SO WHY SHOULD I?! WHY SHOULD I TRY!? WHERE IS MY BENIFIT!? I DONT EXPECT ANY REWARD BUT I JUST WANT SOME KINDNESS IN RETURN.
If im sad...they leave me alone...i dont want that, no matter how many times i say, they never listen! I dont want to be alone i want to be comforted, hugged, told that it will be alright, BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE THEY DO NOT LISTEN BECAUSE EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH HAS BECOME A JOKE. I HIDE MY INSECURITIES BEHIND JOKES TO THE POINT WHERE THEY THINK IM ALWAYS JOKING...THEY'LL NEVER SEE THIS. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW NOW. That. Or they'll tell me im selfish...
