Think About It

My Insignificant Birthday

     I know it's been a long time but, here I am. Ok so it's my Birthday weekend and I'm turning 17. I never do anything that special for my birthday and I'm ok with that, but I'm turning 17 yunno, I'm expecting a little bit more just for a little bit more effort. I asked for a dinner party, but I couldn't have one because of a money situation. I'm not saying I'm like poor and in a financial devastation, it's just if I'm having a dinner party I want to be able to pay for everyone's food yunno? The place I wanted it wasn't like high scale but I did want at least 15-20 people their and that means the bill was going to be higher. My mom said the next weekend I could possibly have a dinner party because her check would be here probably before next weekend. But I'm not stupid like my mom is cool people, but she does this thing where she says she's going to do something a punks out at the last minute. Considering the fact that my birthday will be well past over by next week, that's all of the more reason for her to punk out in having it. This probably sound very melodramatic, but I've been knowing this woman for a long time, I know how she operates. It just kind of sucks because as much as I want to believe, " oh my birthday is probably boring right now but I will celebrate it next week", I already knows it's not going to happen. I don't know why it's such a big deal to me this year. I just guessed since it my senior year and like I'm 17 now, like 17 is a significant mark in life to me and it seems like I'm the only one that cares. This whole weekend has been nothing but pointless waiting around for nothing. Yesterday I worked out at 8 in the morning until 9ish, afterwards I stayed at my grandmas house until around almost 12 so my mom could pick me up because she was at the beauty shop. After being dropped off at home my mom left and went where ever. I stayed at home the whole day and watched Netflix. She came back later on and she was feeling pretty apprehensive about going to her high shook class reunion. I encouraged her to go so that she could have fun, make some friends, and live a little because that's what I would want someone to do for me.  I'm happy for her but, I also feel weird about my self. Is this all I'm good for helping other people and doing nothing for myself. Anyways, the next day -which is today- I've just been laying in bed this whole time, it's like 1. Now today I was supposed to feel happy. My sisters grandma was throwing me and her mom a small party at her home.  I tried to invite some of my "closest friends", but they all went to another party or just couldn't make it. It's understandable but it did kinda hurt :). My mom is practically forcing herself to go because she says that side of the family is annoying. But it's like u didn't even put in the effort to even have me anything, like its your daughters birthday at least act like you want to go simply because yunno I want to go and that this is the only thing I will do. She even tried to kinda talk me out of going yesterday, I almost just don't want to go anymore if it feels like this. My sister is supposed to come home tomorrow and celebrate on my actually birthday which is tomorrow but she's pregnant and she won't be able to last the whole day. I sound ungrateful like someone try's to help me out but it's not enough to, but that's not it at all, I just know I won't be able to enjoy it the way I want to, but oh well at least I get to say I lived another year. Lastly, my dad. He hasn't called to wish me a happy birthday in years even though he lives like 16-10 minutes away. He's so worthless. I'm just ready for this whole weekend to be over with honestly. I'm ready to graduate high school and go to college. I'm sick of people acting like they care, like just save it lmao. When I go to college I will be able to celebrate how I want, do what I want, whenever I want.