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Review of Dedication part 1(on going series) by @Fernpool5

Today, as a review I will be reviewing the first 6 parts of Dedication part 1 by Fernpool5

Genre is Teen fiction.

The first few paragraphs will be a non-spoiler review. I put a disclaimer up when we get to spoiler territory.  

I am going to try to be vague as possible. So, in the description it mentions this is a "thrilling tale" which it is. The situation, you can feel is genuinely intense and scary for the characters.

The main character is Felicity, how old she is, I do not know. I don't know if it was mentioned. If it was, I'm sorry Elena very sorry.

Anyway then there is her best friend Harmony. Definitely the calmer of the two in their situation.

The first parts I can tell are VERY polished. I didn't find spelling or grammatical errors. But, as an author I would make sure because, I'm very bad at finding mistakes in my own writing.

Anyway, this is a good start to what can be a really good thing if handled right.

SPOOOOOOOOOIIIIILLLLERES AHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEAAADDDDD!!!!!!!

Okay, now that you've read the six parts you are ready for this part of the review. 

So, those of you who have forgotten, let's go over the plot(BTW I had to re read the thing, cause it's so short so far I like totally blanked on details) But here's the plot:

Felicity is at school when the intercom goes off. It's states that this not a drill and their is a man trying to break into the building. 

Felicity who has always taken the drills they had for granted(quite relatable actually) is scared out of her mind. Already this shows part of her character. I can't describe it in words but, it's there.

She runs to find her friend Harmony. Harmony appears to be a lot calmer in the situation trying to calm Felicity down. She appears to be very kind.

Then the guy breaks in, and brings a bunch of other guys with him.

The Intercom keeps getting interrupted by coincidence when the most important info is being said.

The guys reach them, and when they do they pull out a gun. A teacher defends them, and Felicity and Harmony take their chance to jump out the back window.

After they jump out they take a particular path. It isn't long till the bad guys come after them, so they trick them by going off the path to Assisted Living Place. 

They hide but eventually the man comes there, but is unable to find them.

Then he goes outside and talks with someone about some corporation. 

Harmony and Felicity accidently make some noise and they here, but the bad guys just get confused. 

So that's the plot, it's interesting, and thrilling. As I said you can feel the characters fear. With the description and the fast pacing, it works well.

Now, I have to be an honest critic. I don't want to have to hurt a single hair on another authors head, but there are some problems.

Well, first while you know the characters are scared. But it can be a disconnect when you can't relate to what they're scared of.

What I mean is, the villains aren't that scary. Their dialogue can get really,really, cheesy. I don't know how to fix this. So that probably makes me look like a jerk, but I swear I have the best intentions when saying this.

 Also, yes I want a few more details(if I didn't just miss them.) What kind of school are they at? How old are they? What does Felicity look like, cause I only remember Harmony being described.

Anyway, as I said. This is a good start to something that could be great. I know Elena is going through writers block, what I suggest is making what you have so far as polished and perfect as possible. Seriosusly, when you go back on something you thought was fine and re-read it. You find all sorts of things you can add to your writing to make it better.

Elena, I hope I have not offended you in anyway. I gave my honest opinion on the aspects of the first parts of this story, and as I said it's a good start to what can be a great book.

I hope you continue to write and improve upon yourself. What you have so far is good, and with time, and a lot of hard work. It can be fantastical.

I hope the rest of you enjoyed this review!

-Starry