Escaping a Reality

Chapter 1

I lie on my back thinking how I used to watch the stars when I was a little girl thinking I could be one with the stars. Me making a wish and wanting it come true. I always wished for a world of peace. But I was 10 then. Things gotten worse over the years. My father left my mom for another woman he was having an affair with for 1 year. My mother was devastated and slowly turned into and alcoholic. She would come home from 2 jobs and never eat. She was starting to get skinner and more pale. She didn't have that beautiful glow to her face that she used to. We didn't have much in the house. We lived In a 2 bedroom apartment so me and my sister shared a room. We would hear her cry at night praying to the Lord that she will get better. I then started to cry and hold my sister comforting her with a tight embrace. I always imagined that my life wouldn't get this worse to the point where every night she would cry herself to sleep. No one was happy.

~The day when my mother was sick was when I was 14 and my camille was 4. I got called to the front and the principal told me that my mother was in the hospital. I didn't know what to think but my grandmother came to pick me up and take me to see her. The whole car ride was silent. We were all worried and anxious about what's happening to her. It felt like we were driving for ages but it was only 20 minutes. When we got there we asked the lady for the room our mother was in. She told us and I went In first. I saw all these tubes and monitors on her. I Stared to cry again. I can't bear to see her like this. I walked back out and sat in the bathroom stall and Cried. I promised my self that I will take care of Camille and help my mother, Do good in school and get a job to help pay bills. At that time I didn't think it was a lot to handle. But now that I'm more grown as a woman I'm struggling to handle it all. She has been in and out of the hospital throughout the 2 years but this time she's been in here for over 4 months. She had gotten worse because she's on stage 4 of cancer. I visit her every day with Camille and talk to her and I bring her dinner and sing her songs and read stories......it's hard without my mother around. I'm tired and I'm getting weaker but I have to remain strong for her and Camille."Is Mommy gonna be okay?" Camille would say. I just smile and hug her. That's all I can do. I have faith and hope that she will get better. But how am I gonna get better? My school life isn't any better. Andre beats me and calls be names like, bitch, slut, whore, cunt, a waste of space, go die, kill yourself. You get the point. But I try very hard not to pay attention even though I'm hurting a lot. I take it one day at a time. I have no more family. I don't want to loose my mother. I can't be alone with Camille. I can't raise a child on my own. I'm not ready. My grandmother died of kidney failure. My mom couldn't make it to the funeral because she was in the hospital. I don't want to be alone. Andre makes it all worse. I come home with cuts and bruises along with black eyes. My sister always ask what happened to you? But I make up an excuse like I fell down the stairs or some stuff like that. Camille is a little girl who doesn't know what's going on. She only know that mom is sick and that's it. She shouldn't have to deal with all of this pressure. I carry it all to make her happy. And I have to keep going. I won't stop. One day I want to escape this reality to a place where there is no more suffering, I'm free of pressure and sadness. But that place is only in my dreams.