BROKEN.

38. Never Mine.

Hey kids!
So here's the new chapter. It's taken long I know, Im sorry. I had my exams on.

I'm a little sad coz the story is slowly drawing to a close :( and I've really enjoyed writing this.

Anyway, enough whining. Enjoy!!!
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ELAHEH

"The only thing we can do for him is to keep him stable, Luna. He's the only one who can save himself and your presence gives him strength."

I tried to blink away the ache in my eyes. There had been some  improvement in Aleksy's condition. I guess his pallor wasn't as sickly as it was which gave me hope but he had lost a lot of weight. His face looked more angular than before and I worried that if he continued on like this, I'd be counting his ribs to pass the time. I, on the other hand wasn't much of an improvement from Aleksy. Although Chad and Alyssa made sure that I ate and exercised, my eyes were constantly red from crying when I was alone with my mate and my skin looked blotchy and red all the time. My hair was in a messy bun-not the attractive kind- and when I was in the hospital I usually wore loose track pants and a tank top. 

It was only when I went out that I pretended to have my shit together. Alyssa smothered my face with make up to hide the fact that I hadn't been taking much care of my skin and she spent at least half an hour wresting with the knots in my hair. 

Guilt, as usual was one of the more prominent emotions that kept making its way into my system. Jake had finally begun stepping out of his house but the bags under his eyes showed how little he managed to sleep. His hair was never combed and he often wore mismatched socks...that was when he bothered to wear shoes. He had been losing weight too. Chad had started checking in on him regularly to make sure that he was eating well. I dropped in too at least once a day to see that he was well...physically at least. 

I was lying on his couch while he lay on the ground beside me. We had both given in to our misery and let our guards down. He cried for an hour. When he spoke after, his voice sounded like his throat had been rubbed raw. He was angry, but his anger wasn't directed at me or Aleksy or anybody else. No, his anger was solely aimed at Blake.

"He thought he'd made it easier by rejecting me so that I won't die. He thought he was being heroic." He spat while I stared at the ceiling.

"All he was though, was selfish. Forcing me to accept him. Forcing me to fall in love with him. Forcing me to live without him." His voice broke at the end and I made no comment. "He never thought about the fact that maybe, I don't want to live without him. Maybe I wanted to choose death." The obvious question to ask then, would be why didn't he? Why didn't he choose death? The answer to that question was simple. Blake had given his life for Jake's. By choosing death, he'd be spitting on his sacrifice. His death would have been a waste. No matter what, Jake couldn't be as selfish as he claimed Blake was. I knew that Blake just wanted to give Jake a chance at life. They hadn't marked each other so Jake's following death was not a given. By rejecting him, he was giving him a chance to find love again and be happy. Wouldn't any of us have done the same thing?

I made sure Jake had something to eat before I left. It was now getting dark and I wanted to be with Aleksy. 

Twenty minutes later, I had bathed and sat in the plastic chair by his bed. My hand was in his, and my eyes were glued to his face. His cheeks were sunken in, his eyes had dark circles and his lips were slightly chapped. Even then, to my eyes he was divine. He still looked like he had been sculpted by the hands of the moon goddess herself. I leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips.
 
My eyes had already begun to shut and I felt the overwhelming need to curl up next to him, knowing his body would provide the warmth that my soul severely lacked. I ached for him to touch me. The little things that he did, playing with me hair, stroking my cheek, holding my hand. I ached to feel his eyes on me in that intense, searching, slightly intimidating way he had.