Death Is My Friend with Benefits (Book Four - WA Winner 2013)

Chapter 21: Goodbye

            And less...

            And less. . . . .

            I was up off the floor, running. This side of me liked to run. I leaped onto a table to get around unmoving, staring people, but they blocked my way. Not one person in the restaurant had screamed besides the couple. Not one person had tried to help them. They were just all watching me with unreadable, dead expressions. Were they under a spell?

            Something was up.

            A hand clasped my shoulder and I whirled around. It was the demon. The demon who Death had told me to kill, and instead I had killed ruthlessly a wife and husband. Killed. "That was quite the show," the demon said, "fellow sister." He then smiled at me with a mouthful of black fangs, his dark eyes falling to the dead bodies that I had left on the ground. They were now rising to their feet, healing before my eyes, and then wheezing for air.

            In a blink of an eye, the room darkened until it felt like we were outside in the night, casting shadows on the wall that slipped over tables and crawled over the floors towards the people surrounding me. I stood, stunned, as the shadows wrapped around the people and formed midnight black cloaks around their bodies.

            "I normally hate newbie's, but I like her. She has a nice uppercut," the woman said between coughs, who I had beaten senselessly to death with my fists muttered. She threw the bloodied table cloth off of her and reached over to yank a butter knife out of her husband's chest cavity.

            "I'm Francine," the woman said, tossing the butter knife casually to the side and laying a passionate kiss who I had strangled moments before. "This is my husband, Ben. You're not the first woman who's stabbed him in the chest with a knife.

            Ben nodded at me. "No hard feelings, I didn't feel a thing. Technically, I'm already dead."

            I couldn't breathe.  

            I ran like hell out of there, until I broke through the swinging door of men's restroom and fell onto the tan tiled floor in a heap of sobs. "I did it! Are you happy? I did it! I killed someone, and now they're a zombie! They're all zombies! Zombies with cloaks!" I cried for a solid thirty seconds, banging my fists against the tile before I stilled, laying my cheek on the ground and curling in a ball.

            Silence.

            Silence.

            Death sighed heavily, slowly turning himself slightly away from me, hiding his privates, and leaning a gloved hand against his urinal. "Well, F me, couldn't you have done this tampon crying stuff in oh, I don't know, the woman's bathroom?"

            "I--I can't believe I just did that!"

            "I don't like to piss with an audience. Can you stand in the hallway for like five seconds and let me finish?"

            I slapped the ground with my hands, sulking. "I killed two people, Death!"

            Death stared at me with a blank look. "You killed two people. Wow. Congratulations, you're now officially promoted from Super P*ssy to Half-Weenie. Now, I suggest sashaying out of here with that cute little butt, or I'm going to aim and fire on your ass." He slapped the urinal with his hand. "Comprende?"

            Now I was angry. "This is your fault for making me kill them!"

            "Right. My fault. It's not like I held your hand while you strangled and beat them to death." Death dropped his raven head against his chest in defeat. "I just wanted to urinate in peace," he muttered bitterly, flushing his urinal and zipping up his pants with a growl.