Don't be Ashamed (A Larina Fanfiction)

II

Morning came too fast. It was nearly ten o'clock, but it still felt like the middle of the night. For the past few weeks I never felt like I slept enough, but it was so hard to fall asleep.

Eden was still asleep. He laid on is stomach with his arms out to his sides and his mouth parted open, snoring quietly. I smiled at the image of him looking so vulnerable. He usually stood so tall and the way he carried himself demanded respect.

I quietly stepped out of bed putting on my slippers and silky robe, not wanting to wake Eden up. He got grumpy if he didn't sleep well. I walked to the first level of his apartment and into the kitchen. I'd been staying here for so long that it started to feel like it was my home, but I had a house of my own. It was small and quaint, but rent was cheap. I'd contemplated officially moving in with Eden before, not much would actually change, but he's never brought it up and I don't want to overstep.

I started making a pot of coffee for the two of us and watered the plants in the window of the kitchen. He insisted that plants had no purpose in his apartment and that the "ruined the look" but I think that they added some color to his modern, drab flat. Everything was black and grey and white. It looked sad.

"Good morning," he said groggily, coming into the kitchen.

I turned around, smiling at him. "Good morning," I put the watering can back under the sink, knowing that he looked at my ass as I bent down. "Do you want some breakfast?"

"Umm, sure. How about some pancakes."

I handed him a mug of coffee with milk and sugar as I drank my own black one. "Comin' right up." If I didn't make him breakfast I knew that he would either not eat or have cereal. He depended on me more than he noticed, but I liked doing small things for him. He does so much for me and I give so little in return it's the least I could do.

As soon as the pancakes were done I set a plate down in front of him as he sat on the breakfast bar on the island, reading something on his phone. "Thanks," he said, not fully paying attention.

"You're welcome. Umm, I'm gonna get in the shower. I'll clean this I'm afterwards." I said suggesting to the mess from breakfast.

"Okay, babe." He replied, still on his phone.

I went back upstairs to our bedroom and laid on the bed for a few moments. I was exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open and my head throbbed, but I had to get ready for the day. Eden didn't like to sit at home all day doing nothing . In his eyes a day spent relaxing was a day wasted.

So I got I walked to the bathroom, brushed my hair, undressed and got into the shower.

Halfway through shaving my left leg, I heard my phone ringing from the bedroom but decide to let it go to voicemail. I'm wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. Finally, it stopped ringing, but only because Eden answered it. He always answered my phone for me and, honestly, it bothered me. It wasn't that I didn't want him talking to the people that were calling me, it was just that he assumed it was okay.

"Babe, Chuck wants to talk to you." He said walking through the cracked bathroom door, opening it all the way. That's probably why she called.

"Uh, I'll just call her back when I'm out of the shower, oaky." I said through the class shower door, showing more of my true emotions that I'd intended to.

"She said she'll call you back. She's in the shower." He said looking at me, but talking to Chuck. "Okay, bye." He set my phone on the counter and walked back into our room, not saying anything else.

I hoped that he wasn't mad at me, but I knew that he was. Eden was the type of man that emotions swayed one way or the other. He was easily influenced by small things that most people could just let go.

Once I finished showering, I got out and walked into our bedroom with a towel wrapped around my body. Eden sat on our bed with his elbows on his knees. He was still in the boxers he slept in. I avoided eye contact as I walked to the dresser, finding a pair of underwear and a bra to wear today. Letting the towel drop to my feet, I slowly dressed myself with my back to Eden, knowing that his eyes blanketed over my body, inspecting every inch of me.

I bent down, getting a pair of jean shorts out of the bottom drawer of my dresser. I could feel his eyes boring into my body. I felt bad honestly, but this was the only was to make him happy. His breathing got deeper and louder. I could hear it from the other side of the room. I slipped on my bottoms slowly, then made my way to our closet.

"Lana." He said sternly, as I opened the closet door.

Turning around, I finally make eye contact. "Yes?"

"What's wrong?" He said it as more of a statement than a question. It was like he wasn't asking if I was upset, but more if he was trying to make me notice that I was.

"Nothing." I sigh and turn back around to the closet, trying to find a shirt to wear. And honestly, nothing was wrong. Eden was being as wonderful as he usually is and life was just like it was yesterday. Someone just felt off. I couldn't put it into words. I felt unfulfilled in a way.

"Are you sure?" He said from behind me.

Not turning around to face him, I answered, "Yes, Eden"

After I got dressed I brushed my teeth, moisturized and blow dried my dark hair. Eden got in the shower soon after, so I decided to call Chuck, my sister, back. 

It rang twice before she picked up. "Hi, Lana!" She said. Her voice was more cheerful that usual.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked. I wasn't in the mood to talk, but I loved Chuck and she usually made me happy. If it would have been any one else, I probably wouldn't have called back, in all honesty.

"Well, me and Clay and a few other people were planing on going out tonight and I was wondering if you and Eden would want to go. Like, I get your probably busy with everything, but I'd just like you to come. It will be fun." She kept rambling on for a little while longer about how much fun it would be.

"Umm, Eden's in she shower now, but I'll talk it over with him once he's out, see if he wants to go. Who else is going to be there?" I knew Eden didn't want to go. He and Chuck's boyfriend, Clay, never really got along. Eden said that Clay's feeling towards me weren't pure, but I never noticed anything. It was probably just Eden being dominate over me, like he usually is.

"Just some of our friends. I'm not really sure yet." Chuck told me.

We kept talking for a little while longer but I cut it short and told her that I had lots to do around the house, which wasn't a complete lie. I did need to clean up from breakfast.

I went downstairs to clean up the kitchen while Eden finished his shower. It only took me a few minutes so I decided to go back upstairs and see if I could go back to sleep.

Eden interrupted me unsuccessfully trying to nap when he started to get dressed. He wasn't as confederate as usual.

"Chuck wanted to know if we wanted to go out tonight with her and and a few other people," I left out Clay intentionally. "To some bar place that she likes."

"I don't care. Whatever you want." He said irritatedly, as he stepped into a pair of jeans.

"I think we should go." I honestly didn't want to go, but getting drunk sounded nice. And so did spending time with other people. I can't remember the last time I was with someone besides Eden.

"'Kay." He walked out of the room and I could hear him walk down the stairs.

"You don't have to be a dick." I whispered, knowing he wouldn't hear.

I pulled out my phone and texted Chuck.

L: We can make it! What time?

C: Yay! Let's all meet there at 8

L: Ok see you soon x

She didn't reply after that.

I huffed and laid down on the bed, hoping that something good would happen tonight.

***

Sorry that things haven't escalated yet but I promise that they will!! I'm so excited about this! I love you all! Please vote and comment!!