Random Drabbles

I'm Not Yours Anymore

It was 3 AM and I wanted to write something sad... This is rather serious idk if I gotta but trigger warnings on it so just be warned basically every trigger warning there u go

Also I suggest to listen to the song "I'm not Yours" by Angus and Julia Stone while reading just to make it a little bit more emo

"Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth you're the one who wants me around, and I can think of thousand reasons why I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I.

Light me up a cigarette and put in my mouth you're the only one who wants me to die and I can think of a thousand reasons why I don't believe in you, I don't believe you... i'm not yours anymore"

Eren sat on the deck of his apartment building, breathing in the cold nights air. As he pulled out a cigarette, recalling the events that had occurred over the past two months. His boyfriend of 3 years, Levi, had always struggled with addiction, as had Eren himself. In fact, they met each other at a spot well known for shooting up, a peaceful place in which the addicts could lay back and enjoy the high, forgetting whatever troubles they had in life. Both had agreed that they would try to get better, to help one another out, but everyone knew that wasn't going to work.

They had a very destructive relationship.

Meeting, Shooting, Fucking, Repeat.

Instead of getting better, it was just getting worse. Levi had been kicked out of his house after he'd used the last of his money to pay for his habit and couldn't afford to pay the mortgage. Eren, of course, had offered to let him live with him for a bit, just until things got better.

Fighting was a common occurrence in their relationship, people get pretty emotional when going through withdrawals. "You think you're so much better just because you're the most functional? Just because you have a job and your own place to stay? Well think again Eren, because you're still a dirty, terrible addict like the rest of us. I can think of a thousand reasons why I don't believe in us. I'm not yours anymore, the heroin is. The world would be better if you just overdosed" Levi had said as he walked out, slamming the door.

Eren didn't think much of it, It was normal for Levi to say things like that, he was a cold person with hard exterior. "Big fuck, he'll be back in a few hours when he needs his next fix" Eren thought nonchalantly as he tapped his arm a couple times and inserted the needle. As the liquid heaven snaked its way into his veins, he closed his eyes and exhaled.

He had shot straight up in bed a couple hours later. "Man highs give you the weirdest dreams" Eren thought groggily. He had dreamt that his body had been suspended in a giant body of water, his chest was torn wide open and he could see his heart beating. Except it wasn't his heart, It was a black slimy pile, oozing out a dark foul smelling puss. He watched, horrified, as it melted away, above him appeared the words "I'm not yours".

 Finally able to pull himself out of the fog long enough to realize that the apartment was wrongfully quiet. No snapping of elastic bands around arms, no puke splattering and mixing with the toilet water below.

"Weird" Eren thought, "Normally Levi would be back by now".

Speed forward a few hours, Eren is curled up in front of the toilet with a blanket wrapped around his narrow shoulders. Pale and shaky, he brings up the last remains of bile in his stomach. "This is bullshit" he thinks as he glares at the green liquid in the toilet, reaching up to flush it.

"Where the fuck is Levi"

3 am, Eren is still in front of the toilet, movement limited due to the weakness in his body. He's desperate now, the withdrawals are excruciating and hes not used to going through it without Levi there. Picking a scab off his ankle and shoving it into his mouth in an attempt to get some type of buzz, the tears drip slowly down his face like heroin dripping from the tip of a syringe. He recalls Levi's words from earlier "I'm not yours anymore, the heroin is. The world would be better if you just overdosed".

"Its not true"

He attempts to get up to get his phone

"Its NOT true"

He stumbles just before reaching the counter, keeling over and vomiting from the sudden movement.

"LEVI ITS NOT TRUE"

Choking on his own tears and bile, Eren slips to the cold, vomit covered floor.

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As he lights the cigarette, he imagines Levi is the one lighting it for him, placing it in his mouth; Two months have passed and Eren has heard nothing.

No calls, no texts, no answers.

Rising up from the deck floor, he swerves his way through the messy apartment, brushing aside the eviction notices and discarded needles. Exiting the room and entering the stairs to the roof, The words flash one last time.

""I'm not yours"

Eren opens the door to the roof, inhaling the cool air and shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweater. Making his way across the roof to his favourite spot, the spot he and Levi shared their first high, along with many others. He sits down on the cold hard cement, and pulls out a needle full of clear liquid, as it shimmers in the moon light, Eren manages a sad smile. "Such a pretty look for a thing that destroys lives" he whispers, tapping his arm a couple times in preparation for the cold needle.

The numbing release cuts through his body like a birds wings cut through the sky. Smiling for the first time in two months, the brunette leans back over the ledge. He imagines that he's leaning back into Levi's arms, because this is what he wanted, what he's craved for the past two months, not the drugs, but this.

Suddenly he remembers Levi's words, and his vanish. He's falling and there's nothing there to catch him. He thinks of the thousands of reasons Levi doesn't believe in him, he thinks of the ways he COULD make Levi believe in him. But he's falling and not even the euphoria could cut through the anguish in his black slimy ball of a heart.

This is worse than the fights and the withdrawals,

This is the fear of dying alone,

But Levi had said it himself, had warned him from the beginning.

And as Eren slips over the edge of the apartment building roof that him and Levi had shared so many memories on, he smiles.

"You got your wish".

THE END.