The Hoe Squad

Chapter Juan

Nar was sleeping on the couch, she fell asleep because fuck conciousness.
Liz was eating in the kitchen, she made french toast that she learned from watching Paula Deen.
Macky walked out of her room, looking like Rihanna af. She glanced at Nar then she looked at Liz. "The fuck?" She questioned.
Liz looked at Macky and shrugs. "I've only been paying attention to my food." She said before going back to her Food Network inspired food.
Macky nods then smirks. She ran up to Nar and flopped on top of her. "WAKE YO ASS UP!" She yelled.
Nar flung her eyes open, "WHO DESTROYED MY SLUMBERRR?" Nar pushed Macky off onto the floor. "Bish, don't get in my way of sleeping." She stood up and walked into the kitchen. "I'm making toast." She mumbled to herself.
Lolli walked in through the front door, she looked at everyone. "Guys, I got some guys number at the coffee shop." Liz and Nar looked at her.
"Nice!" Nar exclaimed.
"What's his social security number? Blood type? What is his middle name? Does he have insurance?" Lizzie started pouring questions about this guy.
Turtle rolled into the living room. "Rolling in the deeeeep." She sang down to the kitchen. "Ouch." She mumbled due to her head hitting the wall.
Kaci followed behind her, "There's a wall there Einstein."
Nar screamed, "I BURNT MEH TOAST!" She grabbed the flaming pieces of bread and tossed them into the sink. "Dear god whyyyy?" She cried.

Liz looked at Nar, "That's exactly why I watch the Food Network." She smirked.
"I don't give two fucking limes." Nar spat.
Turtle got up and found a frisbee, she threw it across the room. "SOARING, FLYINGGGG." She sang.
Mack grabbed a towel and threw a rag at her. "Can it Troy." She said.
Kaci glared, "Maybe she is Gabriella." She pursed her lips and set her hands on her hips.
Mack shrugs, "I don't give two shits."
"If you can't shit, you need to see a doctor about that because I think that isn't how the human body works." Nar called from the kitchen.
Lolli rolls her eyes, "I'm gonna go watch Shane Dawson." She said before getting her laptop and walking back into the living room.
Liz slammed her food down. "SHANE?" She said before running up to Lolli and sitting beside her. "Play da good shit." She said.
Nar sighs, "I'm going to try making toast again." She announced.
Kaci looked at her, "If you burn the house down and I die. I'll never forgive you." She snapped.
Turtle looked at her, "Obviously you'd be dead." She said with an eye roll.
"Why can't everyone be as smart as me?" Lolli questioned.
"The world would end that is why." Nar said.
"Shut up peasant!" Lolli yelled back.

Nar looked at everyone, "I've burnt toast three times so let's go out." She offered.
"Ew, socialization?" Lizzie complained.
Mack shrugs. "As long as you pay Nar." She said with her arms crossed.
Turtle nods, "Hell yeah." She smirked.
Kaci huffed, "This will be interesting." Then she froze and looked at everyone with pure terror. "Beyonce is illuminati..." She whispered.
Everyone looked at her confused.
"Beyonces record label is Columbia Records. Where's Columbia located? SOUTH AMERICA! South America has 12 words. Beyonce had 3 siblings. 12÷3=4. BEYONCES OLD BAND 4 PEOPLE. BEYONCE IS MARRIED TO JAY-Z. JAY-Z HAS THREE SIBLINGS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE INVOLVES THREE? A TRIANGLE! TRIANGLE=ILLUMINATI. BEYONCE IS ILLUMINATI!!" She yelled.
Nar opened her mouth, "Oh my god. In one of her songs it says, "Who runs the world? Girls!" Nar said. "She is a girl. She wants to run the world!"
Lolli nods, "Cool, I can dig it."
Turtle looked at her, "I thought her old band had more than that."
Kaci hit her with a pillow, "Shut up, I just cracked the code."
Macky fainted due to this fantastic breakthrough.

Nar was looking at Kaci still, "Guys, what if Kaci is illuminati? Illuminati ends in I...so does Kaci. SHE'S TRYING TO USE BEYONCE AKA QUEEN TO DISTRACT US!" She yelled.
Lizzie gasped, "Oh my Urie..." She said.
Kaci widened her eyes, then laughed very crazily. Then stopped, "I am a Soviet spy not illuminati." She corrected.
Macky all of the sudden woke up, "I heard the word Soviet..." She pipes up.
Turtle looked at everyone, "What about the food idea?" She reminded everyone.
Nar nods, "Oh yeah." She walked out to the car. She walked to the 1945 Nar-yoda. She quickly got in.
Lolli hopped behind her and got in the passanger seat.
Turtle walked to the garage and got in the back, Kaci following behind her.
Lizzie was the last one out and looked in the back, "Where do I sit?"
Lolli looked at her, "The trunk." She shrugs.
Everyone nods in unison, including Lizzie.
Lizzie walked to the trunk and popped it open, she got in and closed it. She knocked on the roof as a signal that's it's okay to go.
Nar nods and drives out, the band The Narwhals started to play. She turned it up, "This is my shit brothas." She said.

Nar drove up to Olive Garden.
Lolli looked at Nar, "Olive Garden at 8 am?" She questioned.
Nar shrugs, "Fight me."
Lolli grabs a pair of goggle that were just randomly there and put them on as well as a life jacket. "I'm ready."
Nar nods, "Meet me by the swings at the park." She said.
Turtle huffed, "You guys can't even kill a spider."
Kaci nods and got out.
Mack pulled up to Olive Garden on a horse. "You guys forgot me so my form of revenge is getting a horse." She said as she got off and tied it to the bike rack.
Nar walked inside and looked at the waiter. "We have a group of 6." She said.
The waiter nodded, "Would you like a table?" He asked.
Lizzie followed behind Nar, "No we'd like the floor for 6." She said.
Kaci rolled her eyes, "No we want the roof."
Turtle huffs, "No, we want the parking lot!!" She corrected.
Lolli chuckled, "Idiots." She said before looking at the waiter. "Bathroom for 6."
Nar rolled her eyes, "A table." She nods. "Table."
The waiters eyes were wide and he nodded. "Follow me..." He said as he showed them a table.

Once everyone was seated, they began to look at the menus.
"What would you guys like to drink?" The waiter asked.
"The blood of all those who have wronged me..." Nar mumbled to herself.
"A bloody mary?" The waiter asked while looking at Nar. He didn't hear her correctly.
Nar shook her head, "Sweet tea."
Lizzie shrugs, "Coke."
"Sprite." Turtle said.
"Dr. Pepper." Lolli said as well.
"Lemonade." Kaci said.
"I want a mocha decaf, low fat with thick whipped and no sugar cocoa bean frappe." Mack said.
The waiter looked at her, "Okay..." He said before scurrying away.
Nar was scanning over the menu, "Hmm, I'll have the shrimp."
"Boyyy, I'm getting a salad." Lizzie said.
"Chicken." Turtle called out.
Macky was looking through the menu, "Hamburger."
Kaci shrugs, "I'm gonna get pizza, you non greasy bafoons."
Lizzie looked at Kaci, "A hamburger is greasy..." She said.
Kaci huffed, "Way to crush my joke man."
Lolli raised an eyebrow, "That was a joke?"

After they told the waiters their order, they began to talk.
"So, guys I got a job." Lizzie said.
"Stripper?" Nar questioned.
"Cook?" Lolli asked.
Turtle laughed, "She can't cook."
Lizzie looked at Turtle, "I CAN WITH THE HELP OF PAULA DEEN." She declared.
Lolli shrugs.
Kaci thought about it for a bit, "A quilt maker?"
Lizzie facepalmed, "I'm an intern at a hospital." She said.
Everyone made an 'Ohhhh.' Sound.
Nar laughed, "What person would put their life in your hands?" She asked.
Lizzie shrugs,"The person who is sitting across from me and is fixing to have this knife lodged into their stomach."
Nar shrugs, "Ya won't rupture any organs." She smirked. "I'm empty on the inside."
Turtle huffs, "We know."
Nar frowned, "Why does everyone hate me?"
Before anyone could answer the waiter brought everyone their drinks and food.
Lizzie grabbed her fork and took a bite and immediately spit it out. "That isn't ranch!" She yelled.
Lolli looked at the salad, "Oh that is mayo." She said with a nod.
Kaci widened her eyes, "How 'bout mayNO?" She mumbled.
Turtle looked at the salad, "That also isn't lettuce, that is cabbage." She concluded.
Nar arched an eyebrow, "Do they think you are a hamster or...?"

Lizzie frowned, she looked at everyone. "I'm headed back to the house." She said and walked to the door.
Nar shrugs and continued eating.
Turtle tilted her head but kept eating.
Lolli furrowed her brows, she began to become suspicious for no reason.
Kaci was too busy eating to notice.
Lizzie walked for at least 30 minutes while everyone ate.
She finally came across the alleyway and stood there.
A few figures appeared and as they approached her human faces were clear.
"Okay so, next target is Demorti Roustova." One of the men said.
Lizzie smirked. "Easy." She said.
The men handed her an envelope.
"Remember how much you get paid if you pull this off."
Lizzie chuckled, "Oh I will..."

"DAYUM, THIS PIZZA IS GOOD." Kaci said.