Remain My Drug, My Desire

29

    I went out and went down to the old liquor store, and bought as much as I could. Drink away the pain, and may feel better. I may feel numb. And things could be better. Right?

-Andy’s POV-

    I told Taylor all that had happened, and she was freaking out herself. Telling me I was wrong for leaving, and that we needed to go back and check in on her. So now, Taylor and I were in my car speeding back to my place.

    “Hopefully she’s just crying, or something like that,” Taylor said, we were getting closer and closer.

    “Yeah, hopefully,” I said. But I didn’t feel hopeful. Infact, I had a very bad feeling. We finally pulled up the my house. And we quickly got out. Rushing inside. “Sway!” I called no answer. Taylor pushed past me. “Sway!” I called again, rushing up the stairs.

    “Andy!” Taylor called, “Come here right now!” she yelled. I hurried back down the stairs, freaking out. Taylor was standing at the table holding a piece of paper. I took it from her. And read it. My heart dropped. She left?!? I quickly pulled out my phone and started to call her, but got no answer. I hurried up the stairs, and to our bedroom. Things were still there, but some things were missing. And then I saw it, her phone sitting on the nightstand.

    “Shit!” I yelled. “Taylor where would she be?” I asked. Taylor thought, her face unable to read.

    “I-I don’t know!” she said tears swelling up in her eyes.

    “Taylor you need to think! And I mean really think! Because I don’t think she’s just at some bar. She took clothes with her. Or at least packed a bag.” I yelled.

    “Andy! How the hell am I to know where she fucking went! Don’t you fucking yell at me! You are the one who left her here! You didn’t even use your head! You fucking dumbshit! Now look my best friend is missing!” she yelled at me. Is she for real. Then again I understand. But still. She has no right to yell at me.

    “Well, how are we going to find her?” I asked.

    “I don’t know! We look, everywhere! We go to bars, we go and to every bus stop and ask if they’ve seen her. She didn’t take one of your cars. So she clearly rode the bus,” Taylor said.

    “Okay, I’m calling Kells. And a few other people, we are going to look for Sway until we find her. No one, is going to back out of this one.” I told her.

-Sway’s POV-

    I think three days have passed? Days that I haven’t been sober… So really I don’t know how many days have passed.

    I haven’t slept and I haven’t had any food. I’ve drank, gotten high and gone into a depression that has caused self harm. From burning, to slicing my skin. Half the time I don’t know what is happening, I’m so drunk and so high…. I just don’t feel anything anymore. I’ve taken pills, that I have made me throw up. I’ve stumbled around the small little area of LA, where most people don’t go. Unless you are poor and have no money and no life. Like me. Like my father.

    Days have passed, I’ve seen the sun go down, and I’ve seen it come back up. I forget what it’s like to sleep, I forget what the bed feels like. Resting my eyes. I’ve downed so many bottles, I’ve thrown up plenty of times, and I’ve had an empty stomach the whole time. I don’t know how many times I’ve fallen because I was so drunk I could hardly stay on my feet. The trailer was a mess.

    I don’t know what day it is, or what time. I grabbed another drink and opened up the bottle. I lit up another smoke. I held the lighter over my arm, I didn’t even wince in pain. I was already high off my ass. Just leaning back and chilling. Wasting my life away, turning it into shit.

-Andy’s POV-

    It’s been one week, and three days. No Sway. I haven’t stopped looking. I’ve asked everyone, I drive around all day long looking. I go to the same bars, and ask if they’ve seen her. No one. I’ve had all my guys looking for her. Kells has been helping me, but we have yet to find her. She’s just gone. And I’ve been a mess for that one week and three days. My heart breaking. Feeling as if I’ve lost her for good. But I know she is somewhere. She has to be.

    “I’ve been thinking,” Kells said, as we were driving around again looking for her, “What if Sway went back home?” he asked.

    “What do you mean?” I asked him, “Like back to our house?” Kells shook his head.

    “No, I mean where ever she grew up,” he said. Holy shit.

    “Okay, well we don’t know where she grew up,” I told him.

    “Whos her ex?” Kells asked me.

    “Mike?” I said raising an eyebrow.

    “Would he know,” Kells asked.

    “Maybe. Yeah, I’ll just have to get a hold of him. Hopefully he’ll help. Well I take that back I’m going to make him help,” I said. I missed my angel, my beautiful mess. The one I love. The one that I care for. The one that I want in my life forever. The one that maybe one day, I may get down on one knee, and ask her to marry me. Because I love her. I love her so much. And her not being here, is tearing me apart. Not just because I miss her body, but I miss her smile, her laugh, her beauty, her voice, her eyes, her touch, her walk, her smell, her teasing, I just miss her. I miss, and I love her. I should have just told her, I should have. But I couldn’t… Because I know she loves me, but she’s scared. She’s just so scared. And so broken.

-Sway’s POV-

    I felt numb. I felt cold. I could hardly stand. I could hardly walk. I couldn’t even make it to the fridge anymore. Meaning I couldn’t get to the drinks. I had a pack of cigarettes sitting next to me with my lighter. Leaning against the decaying wall. Becoming the wall. I didn’t want to fight anymore, I didn’t want to breath anymore. It’s like I forgot all about the people that cared about me.

    That night it was pouring rain, the sky crying, and for the first time forever how long I’ve been here. I wanted to go home. I wanted to stand back up, but my legs just wouldn’t work. Just then there was banging at the door. I couldn’t get myself to talk, or speak. My mouth was too dry for that. Just then the front door busted open. At first I didn’t get a good look at who it was. But when the light switched on, I saw the blue eyes. The tall figure. And I knew right away. I bursted into tears. Not able to stand or walk to him. All I could do was cry. He hurried over to me and picked me up in his arms. Pulling me close.

    “I found you angel, I found you. I’m here now,” he whispered in my ear, holding me close.

-Andy’s POV-

    I found my angel, my love. And seeing her, seeing the mess. How skinny and pale she was. Looking at her arms. The burns and scars. My heart broke even more. And I held my angel closer. “Time to go home,” I said standing up.

(I hope you all can understand in some way why Sway had to leave. And what her reasons were. I know this is a sad chapter that maybe hard to read. But I do hope that you enjoyed it.
Now on a happier note! Juliet's EP came out!!!)