Lost (d.cimorelli)

two

it had been 4 days since the funeral and dani hasn't spoken to anyone in her family. she hasn't seen anyone and no one has seen her since lauren last saw her in her room the days before. they would text her and if she read their texts then they know she was alive and at least okay, as okay as she could be. she needed space and after arguing, they all accepted that dani needed time to grieve. elli was a family friend and they would all mourn her, but dani had known her since the family lived in sacramento. they were closer than anyone else, they has so many memories and secrets that would now be kept by only dani. 

no one wanted to pressure dani into moving on, no one wanted to trigger breakdowns or fights. so, they let dani be and allowed her to be by herself and mourn at her own pace, to move on when she was ready. dani hadn't changed out of the dress from the funeral and she could easily admit, she felt gross and wanted a show but there was no motivation left in her body. she had no fight in her, no drive to even do anything. she decided to stay in bed unless absolutely needed not. christina had come over the day before and brought dani's favorite food over, sneaking in and setting it on dani's desk when she was in the bathroom. 

dani remembered her room suddenly smelling heavenly before walking out of the bathroom where she was overcome with the hunger. she wasn't going to starve herself, she knew she need to eat even if she was in mourning. she saw what happened to her friend when her grandma died and how she refused to eat or drink anything, she ended up being hospitalized cause her body was so out of balance with itself. 

dani would occasionally walk out of the bathroom and find new food where the semi-uneaten food was before she went in and she realized they used her urgency of the bathroom to sneak in and give her food. she would be lying if she didn't say she was a little bit annoyed but she wasn't going to be stomping down the stairs to yell at everyone anyone time soon, so she just ate some food to satisfy her hunger before crawling back into bed. 

she sighed and adjusted her laying position, now facing the vanity mirror. she has been laying in bed doing nothing but staring at different parts of her room, crying her self to sleep as she let the realization kick in every single night that her best friend was dead. she threw herself onto her back and groaned angrily, she felt empty. she felt lost and hurt, she felt incomplete without her best friend. 

she was angry that elli wasn't here, she was angry that elli was dead. she blamed herself but blamed elli, for being so weak even though dani knew deep down that elli was so strong. she just wanted someone else to blame for the way she was feeling. she blamed god and her family, the family of elli. she blamed the world for the pain of losing someone. 

why does it hurt so much? she kept asking herself it over and over again. she's lost distant family members and a grandmother who she wasn't at all very close with but she never knew of a pain so horrible like the one she was feeling. dani squeezed her eyes shut as warm tears rolled down her red cheeks. she threw her crossed arms over her eyes as she sobbed, her body shaking with the violent cries. 

a knock at the door startled dani as she furiously wiped her bloodshot eyes, taking a deep breath that was extremely shaky. another knock echoed slightly through her room, indicating that the person really wanted to come in. but alas, dani didn't want that. 

"go away!" dani yelled out, her voice cracking as she grimaced in pain from her dry throat. it was the first thing, or first 2 things, that she has said since she got home from the funeral. it was the same words that she said to lauren 4 days earlier, and she only prayed to god that lauren wasn't at her door. 

the door creaked and dani clenched her fists, angry that someone would just walk in when she wanted to be alone. she wanted no one to see her, she wanted to wallow in her grief and mourn her best friend's death rather than celebrate the life she lived.