The Month Of July

Don't Think, Just Write

I want to be able to breath. I want to be able to take a deep breath and remind the people around me, remind the world around me that this is a great place. The World is beautiful, and a wonderful place that should be treasured just as human lives should be treasured. Just as everyone person should be treasured because we're only Human, and there's only so many things we can take.

This is my Brain, and these 10,000 words that I've started will show you it's inner designs.

This isn't the story that you probably thought it would be, this isn't the story that I thought I would one day write. Yet here we both are, in my unedited, uncensored glory. 10,000 words is a lot to write, but then again, it is a challenge, there's gotta be some kind of hardship. So keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, and hold onto your belongings because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

  I said earlier that I want to be able to breath. My throat feels constricted, my feelings take my breath away either in sadness, loneliness, happiness, or emptiness. My throat tries to contain all the words inside my head, because no, not now, you can't ever say that. My throat is my last defender from people seeing me as I see me.   

I want to be able to breath and to live. Let us live, please, without this terror everyday, without the worry, without the pain. Every time I turn around, something else has happened, someone else has gotten hurt, killed, maimed, raped, or something and it just doesn't stop. I write these words with desperation because please just let us live.

Let us be people and make our mistakes. Don't judge us by our genders, or our sexualities, or how our brains work, or how our bodies are molded. Stop judging us, and let us live. Stop judging and love the people beside you, because love is love is love, and it shouldn't be swept under the rug, or left to dry. It should be there to comfort you and take security in. Don't take that away from people, don't take that away from yourself.

Let us make our mistakes and be happy with them. Let the teenagers live their lives, and let the adults move forward and try to help set up a greater future. Let us not feel the emptiness, darkness, and violence of your souls. All we want is to make a better, brighter future. So gosh darn it, let us live.

I want to be able to breath and say okay, yes the world is a screwed up, messed up place. It's a beautiful messed up place and it's ours. Move past the biases, move past the hatred, move past the judgement and rise above it. Rise above what you see and look at us for whom we truly are. We are people, human beings, just the same as you are.

My throat feels constricted and useless because I can never say these words out loud and can barely be able to put them onto paper. My opinions die in my throat and all I want for everyone is too be happy. To not feel this empty soul that's made it's home inside, some days shining brighter then others. People should be happy, and how fudging dare you take that away from them. How fudging dare you.

My throat stops being constricted because now I just feel empty. I wasted my thoughts on paper that no one will ever read but I'm tired. I'm tired of all the judgments, I'm tired of hearing your opinion and then you charging onward and forgetting that I have a voice too. I am a human being too and I crack, and I break, and I feel. I feel more the you can ever imagine, my thoughts circling with every word that you say with what I can't say and what I will say. My thoughts are here, and not even all my thoughts because this soul is empty.

I am an eighteen year old girl and my soul right now feels empty. You wanted the truth wattpad, and here it is. I am an eighteen year old girl who doesn't know what the heck she's doing most days. I thought I had it figured out and then I'm crushed again and again when I realize that no, I'm not enough. I can't ever be enough because no matter what I do someone will always ask more. They always, always ask more. And I can't give more, I honestly can't.