The Life Of Winter Adams

Chapter 1

"Okay Winter. So you have to take the pills every night." My therapist said handing me anxiety and depression pills.

I grab the substances. I don't want them but they told me to so I have to or I will go "insane" and end up not getting adopted due to disorders. I hate when they use that on me. "Winter you aren't going get adopted if you're depressed and have a bad anxiety."

The pills don't work. I know they don't. The just make things worst. They are just putting words in my head instead of helping me. I know the orphanage doesn't like me and just wants me to leave like the other kids. It's living hell and I want get out here. I'm the only "insane" one here but really I just want to see my parents. Before I leave here I want to see them. I always wonder who I look like more. My mom or my dad.

I've always dreamed of meeting them at night. Beautiful setting. They are surprised of seeing me. Me running and hugging them for along time. Smiling and laughing. I never wanna wake up. I even day dream about them. I don't know why they gave me up. They write letters to me all the time. I want to know more. I need to know more. It's all I want. Just to know more information. Why I am here and where are they so I can find them?

"Winter?", a voice said calling my name.
I turned and looked. Oh I forgot. I'm still here. I still have the lies in my hand. I look at them. I hate this lies i have with me. I really do. My therapist just stares at me waiting for me to say something. I never really talk to her. So I just nod or shake my head a lot. Sometimes I would say something but not that much. A tiny sentence that's it. Nothing else. I don't like talking about my feelings. Even when they give me this "life savers". Brings bad vibes. Even during therapy. She sighs and looks at my scars on my arms. She looks up at me and writes something down on her notepad. She puts it down and looks at me. She writes down on her notepad, "still cutting."

"Winter you need to stop cutting." She tells me the millionth time.
I just stare at her. I folded my arms and didn't look at her. I don't cut myself. The cuts are from school. These girls that one time dragged me into the bathroom calling me emo and cutting my arms. I had blood everywhere on the bathroom floor. They left me in bathroom on the floor and staff saw me with the small blade in my hand. I got in trouble. Then the name stick to me. The emo cutter or the butcher. I don't look emo. I don't wear emo makeup I just wear eyeliner and foundation. I just have basic blue eyes. I wear basic shirt and black skinny jeans with my white vans. Nothing wrong with that, right? I don't know anymore. People are mean. I just need help but not this kind of help. I mean I do listen to metal and screamo bands but that doesn't make me emo. Everyone thinks I am. I really hate though. I have no friends too but I can see what they mean but I also don't want to kill myself. At least not yet. I have 4 weeks until I turn 16. It's nerve wrecking but I'm going to be okay. I think.
I looked up at my therapist and nodded. I get up and walk away. I opened the door and went to my room. I closed the door. I go to my radio. I grabbed on of my MCR CD and put an old radio that people hardly use anymore. Teenagers played. I love that song. It understanding in a way. Stuff like this calm me down.

I'm an outcast. I'm different. I walk into a room and everyone will stare at me. I'm strange they say. I don't care. People want to be popular but I don't feel like that is cool. Everyone liking the same stuff it's just weird. Songs playing over and over again. They would chew a popular song then spit it out. It's confusing. I'm not part of that crap. This generation is so freaking confusing. People are just confusing in general.

No one can change that. Honestly. The only people that can change me is my parents. I love them even though I never met. I just really want to meet them. Maybe if I sneak to my files and get more information. I check my radio. It's 11 pm. No one is really around. I turned off my radio and grabbed a flash light. I quietly go to where they keep the files about information about parents and information about the other kids including me. Hardly anyone was in the hallways. Probably some of the helpers went home. Thank God.

I finally reached near where they keep the files. I saw a light on in there. I quietly ducked down so they notice see me. One of the workers was in there. They had a key in their hands. The worker locks the files safe in the file drawers. The worker puts down the key on the desk. They grab their jacket and turn off the light and leave. I checked to see if anyone was around. No one thankfully. I go to the office door. I try opening it but I couldn't. I grabbed a credit card I stole from one of the workers last week and slide it so I can unlock it. It unlocked thankfully. I ducked down and turned on my flashlight. I closed the door and locked it. I get up and grabbed the key. I unlocked the file drawer. I looked to find my name. Eventually I found it. Adams, Winter. I grabbed the file and closed the drawer. I sit down and put the file on the floor. I flash my light on documents. I opened the file up. Parents names. Autumn Geller and Aaron Adams. My mom was 19 when she had me. My dad was 23.

Wow they had me very young.

I see a picture of me as a baby. That must be me the day I was here. I was kinda of cute. Just saying. I've noticed something strange in the documents. A person who signed this name is Justin Taner. Who's that? I look more but it's all the information about me. My sex. My birthday. When I came here. Extra information stuff like that. Wait it says where my parents are from. Portland, Oregon. I do not live far from Portland. I live in Kalama which is close to the broader line between Washington and Oregon.

I can reach there. I could do it. I don't know how but I will do it. That's my plan. I put back the files away into the drawer and lock it. I unlock the office door and locked it. I go walk into my room and closed the door. I locked the door and put my flash light away. I grabbed a map of the USA. It's huge. I bought last year just in case. God bless me.

I grabbed a marker to mark where to go. I trace it to Kalama to Portland. It was kind of long. I'm nervous. I grabbed my schedule. I mark down my interviews and other stuff. There is one next week. I can escape then.

I grabbed one of my black backpack and put stuff I need in there like clothes and other stuff so I can at least be alive with. All I need is money. I should sell stuff. I looked at my expensive jewelry someone gave me. A diamond necklace with diamond earrings. There are pawn shops near by. I could get money there. There is most of my money. I check if I had money anywhere. Thankfully I did. $80. Okay I think that's enough. I opened one of my drawers that I keep for them. All the letters they sent out. I pick one of them out and read it.

Dead Winter,
We hope you're living a better life. We always wanted the best for you. If you lived with us we don't know what to do with you but the thing is we love you. That's all you need to know. You are just young people who are searching for a new start and it's hard. We think about you all the time. We want a wonderful life with you. We want to see a smile on your beautiful face. I hope you live a successful future than us. Honestly we aren't good people. While some of us but no matter we sacrificed a lot things for you. Even our love. We always wanted a family but we were too young. We didn't know what we were thinking but we wanted you to be happy. The thing is that we just want to see you once more before you start a better future. We love and miss you. Hope to see that beautiful smile again.
- Love mom and dad <3

A tear falls. "We just want to see you once more before you start a better future." That's what I want to do for you guys. Mom. Dad. I'm coming home and you won't have to lose me ever again. Not this time. I will see your faces and you will see mine. Just once more. One more time before I begin a new start too. Maybe have my new start will be with you two. Hopefully. I'm excited to them. It will bring a smile to my face every time I think about it. They still care but they can't keep care of a child right now which I kind of understand. It was probably hard but I could do something no orphan has never done. While they probably have but yeah. I want to see them one more time. At least to let them know I care and love them. That's all I want to do. Hug them like I do in my dreams. Hug them really tight and laugh at my jokes. Smile while we tell stories. Take a walk with each other for awhile. Go sightseeing. Be happy again. Then maybe talk about a future with all of us. Then I can start something new with my life. Probably be with them or people who are willing to take care of a 16 year old. Which I doubt they want to adopt. At this point I have to be adopted. Cause I come and go. Hopefully things will change before I turn 16.