House Calls by the Doctor [8]

One

I seemed to keep saying the same things and he became completely irrational.  What were we even arguing about?  I had already decided that him moving was the easiest option; why was he rehashing it all?  Kevin had thought it might be best to have this conversation around other people but he certainly wasn't helping.  I didn't like being interrupted but if I was missing something he would be forgiven.

And then it finally dawned on me, I finally caught up.  Perhaps he simply wanted more choices and a bit of freedom so he didn't get pushed into a decision.  He wanted autonomy.  Fine, he could have it.  Hopefully seeing the opposite side of the coin would bring the situation into focus for him.  "If you're this opposed to the idea, perhaps you'd prefer to just wait and see how things go.  Hopefully I'll be back within a year or so."  There, if he needed an option he would get it.  Hopefully it would take him much less than a year of commuting to realize where he belonged.  Figuring it out now would have been nice but I knew better than to hold my breath.

"I guess we could, if you want it that way.  Take me to get my car please?"  And that was it, I was dismissed.  He hadn't even thought about it. Whatever the reason for that was, I found myself trying to salvage my dignity.

"Now?  I haven't finished my dinner."  A time-out would be good for both of us.  He needed to cool down and realize what he'd said.

"Now" he demanded.

There was nothing else to do.  I certainly wasn't going to make him call a cab.  "Very well."  I apologized to Kevin quickly and we were in my car.  Chris was staring out the window and refusing to look at me.  "Don't run away from me.  You always run and it never helps."

"I'm good at running."  I was on the highway before he said anything else.  "And I know that I'm probably overreacting and maybe we're not communicating well but that doesn't change the fact that I'm angry and hurt, Sir."

He was talking and that was a good thing.  "I think you're right."  You're definitely overreacting.  "Why are you angry?"

He sighed so hard that I was surprised the window didn't fog.  "You really don't know.  And I can't be mad that you don't know but... I don't know where to start."

"At the beginning."

"I don't know where that is because you just sprang this on me.  Moving is a HUGE deal."

I had thought about it, I had.  But I certainly didn't see what the huge deal was.  I rattled off the long list I had made.  "Your job is flexible.  The apartment complexes will handle most of the utilities.  I've offered to help you pack.  We can drive down so the cars aren't an issue.  I understand that it's inconvenient but you don't travel again until Thursday, correct?"

"I hate that you obviously put time into this and okay, I'm more than willing to admit that you tried.  But Sir, it's not that easy.  What are you going to do, sell your house?"

"Yes."

"I thought you liked it.  And what, you'll get an apartment when you get back?"

"I'll buy another house.  I like privacy."

"But you're not upset about selling YOUR house?  Especially since you might come back?  There are so many memories there and it's..."

Why would I miss a house?  "It's walls.  I'll take my things with me.  The new place will be similar.  Well not in Santee, I'll be in an apartment because it was simpler and quicker to organize."

"You're not living at home?  I assumed since you... ah.  Okay."

"No I'm not. Mother wants me to but after the first four days there I started apartment hunting.  I won't be able to function otherwise.  It's a nice complex and they have a vacancy for you."

He laughed then but it was tight and didn't seem quite happy.  "Oh god we can be neighbors.  That's just perfect!"

"No, I'd prefer separate buildings.  And like I said, I checked out a few other options for you in case you didn't like this complex."  He just laughed some more, harder and harder until I began to worry and then the chuckles dissolved into tears.  "You're gone so much that I don't see why you care which city your apartment is in.  They accept animals; I checked."

I pulled into the garage and closed the door behind me.  Finally he said something.  "Open my side please."

I pushed the button and the large garage door creaked to life.  I waited for him to get out but he just sat.  "Sir, I need some time to process things.  To sort through... well everything that just happened.  I'm not moving this weekend though, that I know.  I've missed you so much and now it's all ruined and I needed this weekend so badly and I'm pissed that... at everything.  I'm just pissed at the world right now and I should go but I don't WANT to.   You should have told me before."

"Pet, I knew you'd worry."

"Of COURSE I would have worried!  You're moving!"

"So I tried to save you from that."  It was simple.

"But it's not like going to the dentist, this is a choice I have to make.  This is not a 'Save Chris from his head' thing, not at all!  Now I'm dealing with it all at once and I'm boxed into a corner and I have no options and you're leaving and... SHIT!"  He banged his fists against his legs, then wrapped his hands around his head although I had no idea what he was shielding himself from. 

That certainly sounded overwhelming.  "I'm sorry to burden you.  It was unavoidable though, I have to go."

"I get that Sir, I'm glad you're helping them.  I'm a jealous girl but I get it.  I'm not mad about that at all.  It's just absolutely everything else."  He waved his hand in a circle around his head.  "Everything else that bites."

I hated having to defer but even I could see that he needed a bit of help and I wasn't the most useful person in times like these.  Whatever I would say or offer would likely be wrong.  "What can I do to help?"

"I don't know."

"You mentioned needing this weekend.  I have to leave early on Sunday but since you won't be busy packing, we should meet."

"I'm surprised the Den isn't all packed up."  He sounded like a whining Little.

I reached for his cuffs, glad my finger slipped so easily behind the chains.  "Since when have I needed toys to make you purr?  Let me relieve some of this stress for you Pet."

"I don't know if you deserve it."

I fought back my urge to yell in response to his taunt.  Luckily for him, his tone had been more sad than angry and he'd had a rough night so I let it go.  "The question is, do you?"