Feeling again

Looks are everything

I put my headphones and turned the music on, walking in the empty street. In such a small town as ours, at this time of the morning, no one was up.
My neighbourhood was mainly composed of pensioners, and the average age was around seventy. At least, it was calm and I lived in a real house, not a low-rent house, where young neighbours listened to bad music until three in the morning and destroying everything they touched.
Maybe if I still lived with my parents, I would be in one of them. Luckily, I had been taken away from them a long time ago, and I wouldn't see them again.

I arrived toward the bus station at the same time as the public transport and climbed the three stairs before taking an empty sit in the middle of it. At this time of the day, only students were in it, and it was all noise and heavy perfumes.
I hated the bus, because when I came in, everybody could look at me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Not that they would do it, but they could, and I didn't liked that.

I remember the first time I came into that bus, last year, when I moved in with a new foster family. I was the new girl, the new face, which was rare in such a small city, where everybody knew everyone. I was the main attraction of the day, and I felt it even more in the bus.
I would remember their comments for the rest of my life, because I hated all of them: "She's sexy, I could bang her" or "She is pretty enough to sit at the back with us.". Some sort of dumb comments like that. As if you needed a special face or body to sit at the back! Bus was just a way to go from A to B, and sits were just sits. Those who thought otherwise were just idiots and were self-centred.
Who on earth could think that a place in a bus could define who you are and what you would be!

That day, I simply ignored their comments and sited at the front of the bus, alone, and silently listened to music, just like I was doing today. Since that memory, a year passed, and people quickly changed their minds about me. I turned them down every time someone talked to me, and I stayed alone ever since. I didn't felt the need to get linked to anyone, they were all so immature.
I knew it was fool to tar everybody with the same brush, because some would probably be more adult, but I didn't wanted to talk to anyone. I wasn't someone outgoing, and I didn't wanted anyone to know me. Loneliness was my weave, and I liked it that way.

The bus finally stopped in front of the school and everybody rushed out, hoping to have a few minutes to chill in front of he school and maybe even smoke.
What did they had with smoking? It wouldn't help them in any way, it was just a silly way of ruining their lives while thinking they looked cool.
I made my way inside, ignoring the judging looks on me that I regularly had. I didn't had my earphones on any more, and I heard something I surly weren't supposed to hear.

- That girl is always alone, said a girlish voice. She's so weird she didn't made a friend in a whole year. I hate her, it's physical.

- You hate her because she turned you down when you talked to her, said a boy laughing.

- She didn't turned me down, she hissed too proud to admit it. I did, because I realised she was too idiot and ugly to hangout with us.

- I'm pretty sure that between the two of you, you're the dumbest, joked another boy, making them all chuckle but her.

- She's ugly, and dumb, and she had no idea the opportunities she missed to befriend with us, she said proudly.

- Yeah, it's such a shame to miss your girlish pyjama parties with cheeky romantic movies and nail's painting session, said the first boy mockingly. Or maybe what she's mostly missing are the girls talk about who's the sexiest boy of the school.

- We don't have that kind of talks any more, she said flirtatiously winking to him. We all already know that Jordan is the one.

I couldn't hear the rest of the conversation as I was too far, but once again, people were criticising me. They never took the time to know me, and I didn't gave them the opportunity, but criticism wouldn't solve the problem.
Not that I really cared about what they said, I was completely oblivious to those kind of comments. But I didn't liked the idea of people judging others behind their backs. Who would hate someone just because they were being themselves? How selfish! How idiot!

I made my way to my first class and took a sit, waiting for the day to start. I didn't really mind school, and learning was the only chance I had to escape the life I had since I was born, and I would take it.
I didn't wished anyone to live what I lived, not even my worst enemy if I had one. Being with my parents and old brother until I was twelve years old was the most traumatic experience. Ever since I was taken away from them, I didn't had a real house, going from family to family, changing every three or four months.

I wasn't a rude child, I didn't do anything wrong or went out of lines. I didn't do anything illegal, or skipped school. Actually, I didn't do anything, I didn't talked, I almost didn't ate, I didn't slept. I was just an empty vessel wondering in their houses and schools. All families gave me up because I was emotionless, almost like I wanted to die. The family I was with now, was the first one who didn't gave up after four months, and I was somehow glade.

They didn't really minded the fact I didn't talked at first, and I didn't talked much actually either, but they always told me they would wait for me to be ready, and they did. They were nice and understanding, calm and patient.
It was a couple, the woman was around fifty and the man mid sixty, Edith and John. I didn't knew why they saw me differently than the other families, maybe because they were older, or more patient. However, they always had a kind word for me, and made me feel a little more comfortable.

They also had a daughter, Ivy, who was going to the same school as me.  She was hanging out with the group I heard talking about me earlier. She was superficial and didn't liked me much, but all she did was ignoring me, which was fine for me.
Her parents were working a lot and came home rather late. Since it was her house, she invited a lot of friends, boys or girls, to hangout or even more. If everyone knew, she would probably be considered a whore, but I wouldn't be the one telling everybody. She could do what she wanted with her butt as long as it didn't affected my life.

She could have up to four guys a week, but her parents and family didn't know a thing and thought she was just a sweet teenage girl who were a part of the cheerleaders. Once again, I wouldn't be the one telling them the truth.
I was taken aback the first time, but after a year, I was way over it, and didn't mind her life like others would do, even if she didn't realise it or how lucky she was.
However, even if I didn't cared, I know all the boys showers coming, from school or not, and I knew a lot of dirty secrets. I would gossips about them, but I could always use it against them if I ever had problems one day.

The teacher came in, stopping my thoughts. He introduced himself before taking attendance, probably trying to remember our faces for the rest of the year. I was in the same class as Ivy, my so called new sister, and the girl who talked earlier, her name was Blue. Two boys of the football team were here as well, Jack and Jordan, the two best friends. The school have them the nickname of "the two J" because they were considered the sexiest boys of the school.

I never understood what was on with these two, even if they were good looking. Why did the girls always found the need to all fall head over heels for the same boys? They were so many other pretty boys, physically or mentally, but they all remained to those two. Jack was the running back, a halfback, to be precise, he was tall, lean, and fast, always full of energy.
Jordan was the quarterback, the leader of the game, well known for his sense of the game and ability to think fast and wise under pressure.
But mostly, they were both womanisers, at least that's what people thought.

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