Oh Ms. Believer

chapter six: ::.::did he knøw me at all?::.::

Y/N's POV:

My eyes opened, slowly. The very thought of my dream, nightmare from last night made my body start shaking. Blurryface was real. He was there. In my dream. My dream.

The curtains covering my window let enough light into the room for my eyes to squint involuntary. I felt Josh's arm still wrapped around my waist, and I felt safe. Josh was still sleeping, but that was okay. Being in his arms brought me comfort. I could stay there forever.

I felt a slight movement to my right, and looked over to see Josh waking up.
"Morning!" He smiled, squinting his eyes, almost closing them.
"Good morning."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Most of the night, yes. How about you?"
"I slept great, this bed is so soft," he said, hiding from the sun underneath the covers.
"Well, that's good," I said, giggling at his actions.

Josh stayed under the blankets for a minute, I think he might have fallen back asleep. I saw little pieces of blue hair poking out from the top of the blankets.
"Hey, you sleeping?" I asked, poking the blankets.
"Yes," he replied, poking his head out from his blanket fort.
"I was just wondering," I mumbled, giggling in between words. "What do you want for breakfast?"
"Whatever you're gonna have, I'm not picky."
"Cereal it is!" I said, hopping out of bed, and walking to the kitchen.

I washed my hands, and dried them with the towel that was wrapped around the handle of the oven. I grabbed two bowls from an overhead cupboard, and set them on the kitchen table. I swung open the refrigerator and got out the gallon of milk, setting it down also.
"What kind of cereal do you like?" I yelled to Josh, hoping he'd hear me from across the apartment.
Josh flew into the room, holding onto the wall for support, as he was about to fall over.
"Umm," he said, walking over to my cabinet filled with various cereals. "Lucky charms."
"Good choice," I said, grabbing it out of the cabinet, and pouring some into both bowls. I placed the cereal back into the cupboard, and poured milk into each of the bowls. After I put the pink away, I set a spoon in each of the bowls.

"Breakfast!" I yelled, dinging a little bell I had in my kitchen.
"What was that bell for?" Josh asked, almost crying from laughter.
"Comedic effect. Now eat your breakfast."
With a giggle, we picked up our bowls of cereal and I headed to sit on the couch. Not soon after Josh joined me, and we sat on the couch to watch tv.
"I don't understand this show at all, who killed that one guy?" I asked.
"No clue what's happening, but the laugh track placements are phenomenal," Josh said, laughing again.

We continued trying to figure out what was happening in the show, and finishing our cereal.
"I'll take your bowl," I said, reaching my hand out to get Josh's empty bowl, and wash it.
"Why thank you."
"No problem, you're the guest!" (not for long heheheh) (jk)
Josh smiled, and handed me his bowl.

(A/n okay so this next part might not make sense but everything is written how it is for a reason.)

I walked into the kitchen, and washed out the dishes. I winced when the warm water brushed up against my cuts. After I finished washing the dishes, I headed back to the living room to watch television with Josh. He seemed pretty wrapped up in the show, so I didn't bother him. All that was going on in my mind was the fact that me and Josh... Well... Kissed.. And, last night... We were really close for just meeting each other.

I didn't really mind it though, I enjoyed his company, and really needed somebody like him in my life. It feels like I've known him my whole life, like he knew my deepest, darkest secrets.
But he didn't.
Did he know me at all?
I'm just a fangirl.
A stupid fucking fangirl that cuts herself for attention and starves herself because she can't accept who she really is.
I'm a worthless piece of crap that doesn't deserve to be here another day.
Josh said he loves me.
I don't deserve him.
He lied.
It can't be true.
It isn't true.
But what if it is?
....
.................
...........................silence.