Behind the Walls

A Night Out: Part Two

The seats of the cinema have always been padded with cushion, but after years they have become worn with each weight. Now, I know it is daft to compare myself to the seats of a cinema, but it fits the situation well. The weight of not being able to openly express my love for Chris has taken its toll on me. I have bags from the sleep deprivation because of the late night thoughts often keeping me wandering the streets at night, until the incident years earlier.

"JONNY, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Chris demands as his hand waves frantically at the tip of my pointed nose. His lips rest in a pout, eyebrows furrowed in hurt, and eyes big as ever. Christ, how am I going to sit through a movie, when he looks so damn cute?! AHHH!

"S-sorry, my mind wandered for a second there," I sincerely apologize to show him my full attention, as he deserves. "What did you want to tell me?" I ask staring directly into his captivating blue orbs.

"AHEM" he clears his throat to add dramatic effect, typical Chris. I cannot help but roll my eyes as laughter escapes my lips; he is being too adorable. His chin is still high in the air, eyes closed, as I wait for him to continue. "As I was saying..." his eyes meet mine, "I'm very excited to see this film with you, it's like I have been waiting forever!" The look in his eyes is priceless, he is so childlike in energy.

A wide smile forms across my face as this fantastic view was set upon me, "Anything for you, Babe. I-I mean C-Chris." Red, bright red. That is how I would describe this moment in three words. In shame, I look down at my hands which rest on top of my lap. Then up and up, my eyes go. I catch a glimpse of Chris's figure storming out of the theatre, it was as if he was never there. My body goes jelly-like, nothing around me feels real anymore. What have I done?! All at once, the degree of the situation begins to weigh in on me. Tears stream down my face as I bring my face down and hands up to meet in the middle.

At this point I could care less that I'm sobbing in the middle of a movie theatre. The most important person in my life has just walked out on me, without a single word. How could I have been so careless?! For so long I was able to keep my feelings buried deep beneath the surface.

I begin to stare down at the floor as the numbness fills my body once more, what am I still here for? If I don't have Chris, life is not worth living anymore. The lights begin to dim, the commercials revealing themselves upon the screen. All that my ears allow are muffled sounds of the joyful cartoons, nothing more.

This chair I sit upon is so worn, I don't know how it can carry the weight of me. The weight of me felt that of the entire planet earth, I was now Atlas.