UnHappily Married (SHUT FOR NOW)

11|Celebrating Heartbreak

Shraddha

Just two days were left for the wedding. Everything was speeding ahead. Processions were happening round-the-clock, guests were constantly raiding the house, my room was a tussle of jewellery, clothes and giggling hags. My emptiness was haunting me even more, given that I didn't even have a few seconds to shed my tears. Being constantly prodded, poked, and hurt, I started to lose all life from inside. I was just there, but I wasn't living it. The greatest day of a girl's life, and I wasn't alive to see it happen. What to do, my life had been snatched away long ago... If I could ask for anything for God for my last wish ever, I would like to run away in my bridal dress, take Varun and go to that rosy land far away, where there are no rules, where there are no thorns to prick you, where the light has a different glow, where love is all that is needed. But we had been brought so far away that the path to there was nowhere in sight. This was my life, and I had to accept it. My heart refused outright, but my brain reluctantly agreed. Congratulations, world, you have proved once again that true love can never find its destination. I was dying for Varun's arms, but all I was getting was fake displays of affection and constant reassurances from my parents. Nobody was there who loved me anymore, and that, is the sad reality of my life, that I had lost everything in an instant.

On the eve of my wedding day, I sat in my room, for once alone. I looked at my henna-tattooed hands, which had beautiful designs, with my to-be-husband's name emblazoned on my right palm. How I wish that today, instead of seeing his brother's name, I could've seen his name on my hands. A few drops of tears blurred Rohit's name, which had been recently written. My eyes darted across the room, in  a bid to savour the silence, but I ended up seeing my life flash before me. My eyes went back to that fateful afternoon which I had spent in Varun's arms. I could feel his soft, pink lips biting mine, I could feel his fingers grazing my back, I could feel his weight on me, his delicious scent, and I could feel him inside of me, but the best was, I could see us lying down side-by-side, him kissing my nose. My eyes blinked back tears, but the memories won't fade. The blisters scathed my soul, and I had no means of seeking refuge. In a second, my mouth opened and I screamed incoherent, remembering the incident of that afternoon well. I screamed all my rage out until I went hoarse. Wiping away hot tears, with shivering hands, I picked up my phone. The first thing I saw on the screen was a picture of us in a passionate embrace. I plucked up some courage and dialled Varun's number. It rung twice, but then I heard an extremely deep and raspy voice at the other end, its otherwise velvety texture now marred by hoarseness.

'Chir- ahem.... Hello?' That one expression killed me on the inside. I let the tears flow free, but I placed a hand on my chest and spoke.

'V-Varun? It's Shraddha.'

'Yes... I know... Hello.'

I was at a loss of words. I couldn't say what I wanted to, because that time was far too gone. Yet, hearing his voice, I had some hope. But hope was exactly what had betrayed me.

'How are you?' My voice abruptly cracked due to my tears. He spoke nothing, and I started crying. I could hear his sobs too, and I pressed the phone to my chest, crying loudly. I put the phone to my ear, sobbing, dying it hear his voice. But then, we both spoke at the same time.

'Take me back!'

My eyes widened. Despite our dead voices and broken hearts,we both knew what we wanted, but destiny had struck us so badly that we were incapable of lifting a finger. After what seemed like an eternity, Varun spoke.

'I apologise for that, Shraddha. I hope you're fine.'

'How can I be fine without you?'

He gasped, but stifled a sob and spoke. 'I know... I am alone here too, forever now. But I can't see you again, I really can't. Varun-Shraddha is sadly over, we were never meant to be, and the universe told us that in a rather outright manner.' He couldn't control his tears any further, and he stopped, crying.

Tears wiped all the makeup off my eyes and face as I wailed, yearning for him. Hearing his voice brought everything back, the time we had actually fallen in love...

Being a famous personality's daughter is never all roses and daisies. Especially when it came to matters of the heart. Nobody knew, but I had been married earlier for a brief four months, until I came back, thoroughly battered and bruised. He was a politician who had said he had fallen for me the very first day he had seen me. Being young, I had been naive and I dropped out of college to get married. I certainly hadn't seen the abuisive future coming.

On our first night itself, he had raped me twice. That had broken me, and I vowed not to tell my parents, lest they get worried. A week passed and he didn't touch me again. But that was seemingly nothing compared to the next four months. Almost every night, he came drunk or high, and he exploited me thoroughly. Briefly after a month, he started lifting his hand. I fought back, only to be whipped. I had become silent, and I slipped into depression slowly. But one night, my life took a turn.

He had brought home some politician friends, who were known offenders and lechers. I had been peacefully sleeping, when suddenly two of the men, thoroughly drunk, staggered in. I woke up, startled. But they simply started peeling their clothes off. I screamed for my husband, but they hushed me. One tore my clothes while the other clamped his hand over my mouth. Luckily, my husband's knife rescued me. I stabbed one and ran out with my suitcase, which I had always kept ready. Jumping over the mansion's outer wall, I came on the road, now alone but free. But being unwell, I had passed out on the road. When I woke up, I had been in Varun's house, with him sleeping, his palm in my hand. What followed next was pure love, strengthened over a year.

The flashback struck me, and I came back with his name on my lips. His worried voice broke my chain of thoughts.

'Yes Shraddha?'

'Don't you love me too?' I was aching for him. I hoped he was too.

'Shraddha... God knows I love you more than anything else. But this is just what this is. Neither can you do anything, neither can I. We are trapped. I keep imagining your face nestled in my arms, wrapped in that satin bed sheet and me, and I cry. I want to engulf you in my arms, and never let you go, I want to run away. But we are bound now.' His word-play unleashed a thousand feelings in me.

'Don't come tomorrow, either I'll burn myself or I'll marry you.' I said this with feeling, smiling with my tears. He laughed softly too.

'I have to. I wish the latter could happen.' It was the end, and his tone signified it.

'Varun... Goodbye.'

'Goodbye Shraddha.' His voice was dangerously hoarse now, and mine was a small whisper, with what came out next.

'I l-love you.'

'I did, and do too.' With that, the phone went dead. I fell on the bed, realising my emptiness. That was the last of us forever, and I had to accept it. Who am I kidding, my heart knows I never will. The smiling girl in his arms stared at me from the mirror, beckoning me. I wish I could I go back to those arms. But the girl with the dead eyes just cried. And cried...

And there you are lovelies. Do tell me what you think, as per usual. I hope everyone is enjoying, I certainly am not, considering the babe of existence that is school. But I love you all. Thank you so much for being wonderful. Bye my lovelies, keep smiling. #Dishoom

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