Wrong Number

Chapter 31

I just don't understand where the picture came from and why he hasn't mentioned it. Granted we haven't spoken much today but a heads up would have been nice. Maybe he hasn't seen it yet. But who was I kidding of course he has. I'm sure his phone has been blowing up with news about it all day.

So maybe the problem wasn't that he hadn't seen it but rather that he didn't think whatever we were was important enough for a heads up.

-

I don't know how my life became such a mess. No wait, that's a lie. I know exactly how and why my life has turned out so complicated - his name is Luke Hemmings. My life was average at best before that drunken text. So much simpler. Small get-togethers, boring school classes, no overwhelming feelings, and most importantly, no stupid boys causing those overwhelming feelings.

I wish I could say that I wasn't still hung up on that dumb picture and the words people have been saying but that would just be a lie. This was my life now. I cared about seeing Luke with someone else, I cared about the annoying things people were saying - both about he and his girlfriend and about me, and I cared about caring.

I care that I care so much with Luke and I care that I care so little with Nick. Which is something I realize while staring at our intertwined fingers and trying to feel the way I feel with Luke's touch but it's just not there. Admittedly, it hasn't been there since the beginning. I think I was just trying to convince myself otherwise. Or maybe I just didn't know any better.

It was easy to ignore when I didn't have anything better to compare it to, all my past relationships being the same.

But then Luke touched me and everything came into focus. I realized I had actually been missing something and what exactly that something was.

Unfortunately, much like the photo and things on the internet, this wasn't something I could shake no matter how hard I tried. So when Nick catches on and asks what's wrong I know it's time to finally face the music.

"Do you remember the first time you fell in love?" I ask softly, glancing at him. A crease grows between his dark brows and he sets down the book he'd been reading. "Y-yeah, her name was Carly and I was about seventeen," he replies with a small smile. "But whats that have to do with anything?" He chuckles.

I'm gonna miss his kind heart and softness the most.

"Do you remember how it felt?" I hum not wanting to let go of his hand quite yet.

"...Like nothing could touch us," he opts. "But how did you feel around her? How did she make you feel?" I don't know if I was trying to make a point out of it or if I was just curious for my own sake. "Erm, Penelope...I think we're going into dangerous territory here," he lets out a breathy laugh that gives away his nervousness.

I let go of his hand now.

"I don't think I've ever been in love," I admit. He shakes his head. "There has to be somebody and even if there hasn't that's okay, it just means you haven't met the right person."

I wish he was meaner. That he had a temper problem or hated talking about things. Something that could make this easier and faster.

"Well, I think...maybe, I have found someone. But I just- I don't know what being in love feels like," I sigh. He's quiet for a moment, staring off in the direction of his bedroom door. I can see a few times he goes to say something but thinks better of it. Finally he takes in a deep breath and says, "You're not talking about me, are you?"

My heart breaks for the boy next to me and my guilt comes back ten times stronger.

I shake my head.