Lonely Nights

Bedtime ?

Its 12:34 am and I can't sleep , each night my mother randomly drops in just to make sure I'm okay. After the incident she doesn't think I'm safe alone anymore ; I told her I was sorry , I didn't mean to be like this ...for her to worry about me ! I hear a knock at the door I run to my bed " Victoria ? sweetheart I have something for you" she slowly walks towards me . I catch a glimpse of what she's hiding behind her back . Its a black bag with all these pockets and zippers "Mom what is that? Books ? More medication?" She places the bag on my bed and unzips it " A laptop " she whispers with a grin . I think to myself -laptop? She finally listened to me , after years of begging !- "I don't know what to say . MOM THANK YOU" "You earned it , you've been an amazing daughter , after all you've been through you still smile brighter than the stars " she said . She walks towards my door and looks at me , blows me a kiss and walks out . - what to do now Victoria? Let's watch cat videos! Let's read ! - "shut up , I do what I want " while slapping my head . I push it to the side and look out my window , I run my hands down my shoulders just for comfort *deep breath* - let's over think stuff Victoria! Its fun ! Remember what happened last time ?! We cried together and shared razors- "STOP PLEASE" I rub my scars "I dont want to talk about it " I look at my nightstand and take my pills . I shut off my light and try my hardest to sleep . -Victoria ...do we have too ?- . sometimes I think the voice in my head is my only friend , she speaks badly but she's there to help release the pain . I close my eyes and hope for the best.