Finding Hayley

Hayley (2)

A group of ten people bounced on giant blue and red balls, one man was so thin he looked like he was about to topple over at any moment. The instructor shouted at them to listen but they bounced away, towards the lake. White swans gracefully circled the lake, ambivalent to the commotion on their shores. Untouchable A man looks up to my window and smirks. I give him the finger. He starts to shake, like a dog shaking himself dry. His movements make me laugh. 

 Beep. Beep. 

Great, pill time.

'Good day Hayley, look at the weather! Gorgeous isn't it? Are you ready to take your pills? Here have some lunch and apple juice. Now swallow that one quickly and I'll pass the others to you once you've swallowed em okay? Ahh lovely! There you go, you're getting the hang of it now!'I wonder if what she says is automatic, she says it every time she comes in here like a broken record. 

My neurotic nurse pisses me off every time she so much as passes my room, let alone enters. I hope she can hear my internal groan when she speaks. Good.

The pills were starting to dissolve on my tongue, I could feel my tongue tingling as if I had popping candy in my mouth. I swirled the pills around my mouth until I had a solution of Paxil and DSM-IV. 

'Alright, you swallowed them yet? Open your mouth and poke your tongue out.' She barely looked at me and I barely heard her. When she left I reached for the cup in one of the drawers beside my bed. I spat the milky white solution into the cloudy thick mixture of all the other pills I had spat out over the last two months.

When you are in a place like this where the walls are painted in yellow flowers, the non existent carpet is dusty with wear and the people here are so cheerful they sound desperate;you feel like you're in your own personal kind of hell. My plan is to escape, hence the pills. Don't worry, I haven't sunk so low that I'm going to kill myself. No, that's the difference between me and the others. They've all tried to kill themselves or they're too scared to. I will get out of here and I will seek justice. 

Let me tell you this right now, I was never suppose to be here. I don't even need to be here. The only reason I am here however is because nowhere else would accept me. So I will get out of here, even if I have to escape. I promise you this.