CAST
Daveigh Chase as Lilo Pelekai
Tia Carrere as Nani Pelekai
David Ogden Stiers as Jumba Jookiba
Kevin McDonald as Agent Pleakley
• • •
01 | Lines
Santa Claus: Gimme that watch!
[Pleakley's Rolex]
Pleakley: Oh, no. Not the Roley!
Jumba: Now it's a Stoley. Gimme the watch! Looking like a Mississippi pimp. Bitch better have my sweet potatoes. Ho, ho, ho, Top Flight Security. Merry christmas motherfucker!
• • •
02 | Lines
Lilo: [walks into kitchen to discover Burglar dressed as Santa Claus eating a sandwich]
Nani: What the hell you doing in my house; eating a big ass sandwich and shit?
Lilo: Nigga, I'm Santa Claus; where the FUCK the milk and cookies?
• • •
03 | Lines
Jumba: The answer's a flat-out 'no' and I am not changing my mind.
Lilo: Four thousand dollars a month...
Jumba: I believe it would be the greatest Christianity thing I could do to help somebody in need...
• • •
04 | Lines
Pleakley: Help! I don't like the ocean! Ahh! Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. They helped sailors during the war... It's a shark! It's a shark and it ain't friendly! Looks like a dolphin... Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Octopus, will you please help me? An octo... the octopus is worse than the shark! I hate this planet!
• • •
05 | Lines
Grand Councilwoman: Experiment 626. Give us a sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good.
[Stitch clears his throat; the council members listen in anticipation]
Stitch: Meega, nala kwishta!
[the entire council gasps in horror]
Grand Councilwoman: [horrified] So... naughty!
[Stitch laughs maniacally]
Jumba: I didn't teach him that!
• • •
06 | Lines
Nani: Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where's Lilo? Talk! I know you can.
Stitch: [reveals his alien form] Okay, okay.
[Nani freaks and smacks him down with a tree branch]
• • •
07 | Lines
Lilo: Hey! Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid two dollars for him. See this stamp? I own him. If you take him, you're stealing.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Aliens are all about rules.
Grand Councilwoman: You look familiar.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: CIA. Roswell. 1973.
Grand Councilwoman: Ah, yes. You had hair then.
• • •
08 | Lines
Myrtle Edmonds: [regarding the bite mark Lilo gave her] Does this look infected to you?
Lilo: Yeah!
Myrtle Edmonds: You'd better not have rabies.
Girl: If you have rabies, the doctors are gonna have to cut...
Lilo: Are you playing dolls?
[the others hide their dolls]
Myrtle Edmonds: You don't have a doll.
Lilo: [pulls a strange looking rag doll from her backpack] This is Scrump.
[other girls gasp in horror]
Lilo: I made her. But her head is too big, so I pretended that a bug laid eggs in her ear, and she's upset because she has only a few more days to...
[notices that all the other girls are gone; She throws Scrump on the floor and walks away, then returns for Scrump]
• • •
09 | Lines
Pleakley: Hey, Jumba.
Jumba: Hey, Pleakley. What's wrong with your car now?
Pleakley: Nothing.
Jumba: For real?
Pleakley: Nothing's wrong with it at all, except the other day I went out there and put my foot on the gas, and the trunk opened! What the hell is that, Jumba? You are triflin' as hell! I'm so tired of bringing my car up in here for you to fix, I am not bringin' it to you no more, do you understand? Not ever again. Every time I go out there in the morning, I try to start my car, do you know what happens? Do you know what happens, Jumba? It don't start; I have to pray. You know God don't like me. You know He don't like me, all the hell I done did in my lifetime, you know He don't like me at all, Jumba.
Jumba: Alright, let me look at...
Pleakley: No, sit down. Do what you do best, sit down. Just stay right where you at. Just plant your ass right there in that chair. Every time I come here, you sittin' in that chair. People waitin' on their cars, you sittin' in that chair. You supposed to be changin' the oil, you sittin' in that chair. Supposed to be changin' the windshield wiper blades, you sittin' in that chair. Supposed to wash the car, you sittin' in that chair. Let me tell you something: when you die, tell them people to bury you on your stomach to give your ass a break!
• • •
10 | Lines
Jumba: [sees Pleakley trying on a wig] What are you doing?
Pleakley: [hiding wig] Nothing.
Jumba: Say, I want to try it on.
Pleakley: No.
Jumba: Share!
[wrestles wig from Pleakley]
Pleakley: Hey! Ow! You're just jealous 'cause I'm pretty!
KAMU SEDANG MEMBACA
Comic Lines
Humor_________________________________________ "Laughing is, and will always be, the best form of therapy." | ʟīns: the words of an actor's part | _________________________________________ OPENING SPIEL: "Good Evening (everybody), and welcome to 'Comi...
