Remain My Drug, My Desire

10

"Thank you. Doctor Clines will be with you, as soon as he can." oh it's a he. Is Andy aware of that? I went back and sat down with Andy again, leaning into him.

"I'm still worrying," I told him, Andy stroked my hair, and kissed me softly, "And are you aware that, the doctor is a male?" I asked him.

"No. But I was going to go in with you anyways," he told me.

"But, babe I don't want him looking up there... It's awkward, he might old and creepy," I told him. Andy snorted at my comment.

"I promise nothing like that will happen, okay angel. I will be right there with you. And if I have to be the one to look, you know I will," he said with a wink. That's when the woman with the kids took a seat across from Andy and I. The one who was walking started to play with some of the toys in front of her. Her phone started to ring. She answered.

"Hello?" I watched as the child played with the toys. Could I ever be a mother? What if I am? Will I be a good mother? Look at what happened to my mother! I don't even know where she is? Is that what I am going to be? "Yes, mom I know I'm for sure having another kid." I looked over at the young mother. Another. I wonder how many kids Andy would want? I mean we have sex a lot. Good lord, I'm going to be fat.... I sighed, and blocked out the women. And rested my head on Andy's shoulder, grabbing his hand, and playing with his fingers. His hands were soft, and his hands were bigger than mine.

"Sway Martin," a male's voice called me, taking me away from focus on Andy's hand. I looked up, and the guy was pretty young, maybe a little older than Andy. I stood up, and pulled Andy up with me. "Uh, is he coming?" the male asked me looking at Andy.

"Yes, I am." again Andy answered the question for me. We walked back.

"I'm Doctor Clines, I will only be asking question, a nurse will care for you," he said looking back at me giving me a smile. His teeth a bright white. We went into a room, and it was small, there were posters of women's bodies, and babies. That's normal, I guess. I never went to many doctor offices. "Okay, so you are here because...?" he asked, grabbing pen and paper.

"Uh, my... Uh period seems to be late," I told him. He wrote something done, Andy stood next to me, as I plopped myself down on the high bed, crossing my legs and fixing my dress.

"Are you on the pill?" he asked.

"Yes," I told him.

"Did you ever have any problems because of the pill?" he asked.

"No." I told him.

"Morning sickness?" he asked.

"You could say that." I told him, he looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, "I couldn't stop throwing up, I slept the whole day pretty much." I told him.

"How, uh often do you have sex?" he asked. I turned a bright red, and looked up to Andy, placing a hand on my back.

"Our relationship is very sexual," Andy told him, he nodded and wrote something else down. I twirled my fingers around, and looked down at my black heels.

"Condoms?" he asked. Wow, he is digging deep, or is this normal? Who knows.

"Just the pill," Andy said.

"And you took the test?" he asked me, I nodded, "And it came back negative?" he asked.

"Yes, I should also have started my period by now..." I told him.

"Okay, well I am going to get a nurse, she should be with shortly," he said grabbing his things and leaving the room. Andy pulled me into him.

"You okay?" he asked me. I nodded, "You are doing good," he said giving me a kiss. Just then the door opened, and in walked an older lady. She gave me a smile.

"You must be Sway," she said holding out a hand, I took it and shook her hand, returning a smile. "I'm Glenda," she said.

"Nice too meet you Glenda," I said.

"Okay, I'm going to have to ask your man to stay in the room," she said, "And if you'll follow me." she said, I slowly got up, and gave Andy a hug. He gave me a kiss and let me walk away. "He seems very sweet," Glenda said as the door shut, leaving Andy in the room by himself.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"How long have you've been dating for?" she asked me.

"I don't keep count," I said, she laughed.

"So, no one month anniversary?" she asked. I laughed.

"Not my thing," I told her. We went into another room, and did some test, like peeing in a cup, blood pressure. She asked me some question, did some other test. When all was done she let go back to the room.

"How'd it go?" Andy asked.

"Fine..." I said, and Andy picked me up, and sat me down on his lap.

"It'll be okay baby," he said giving me a soft kiss on my neck. He held me close, and rocked me back and forth. Why is being such a dad... Such a sweetheart? I liked this side of Andy. I guess he just knows how nervous I am. A few minutes later Dr. Cline came back.

"So, for giving you this information, he'll have to leave," he said, Andy sighed, and let me go.

"I'll be right out that door," he said, and walked out, slowly closing the door behind him. Dr. Cline sat down in a chair, and looked at the paper.

"Sway you have a lot of drugs in you... Don't you." he said. I slowly nodded. "Your main problem, is that you have a lot of drugs in your system along with alcohol." he said. Again I nodded. "Sway... I'm, uh just going to say it..." he said, my heart beat started to race. "You aren't pregnant Sway... And it's because you can't have kids," he said. My heart dropped. My body felt stiff, and the room seemed to grow hot. I can't have kids. "This is why drugs are a very bad thing, they do these kinds of things Sway. And you've done what kind of drugs?" he asked.

"All of them..." I said quietly. He sighed heavily.

"We make mistakes Sway... this isn't your fault." he said. Not my fault!? I felt sick. What if Andy wants kids? He can't have kids with me? What if he wanted kids with me? I can't give him that, just like I can't give him love... I can't give him kids. Because I fucked up. I'm a fuck up. I pictured the woman with her kids, that could have been Andy and I... But now, now it can't be.

"It is..." I whisperd.

"No Sway, you can't let yourself talk like that. It isn't good. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand..." he said.

"It's all my fault!" I spoke a little louder, as tears threatened to fall. My chest tightned and I felt like I couldn't breath. I blinded by anger, and hurt. I rushed out of the room, and found Andy standing against the wall. When he saw my face, he walked right to me.

"What is it angel?" he asked, pulling me into his arms.

"I-I can't have kids," I cried out. "I fucked up! I fucked up bad! Why am I so stupid! Doing all those drugs!" I cried out, Andy pulled me closer in, my face buried in his neck.

"Sh, angel. I'm here." he whispered in my ear, "It's okay. I told you to trust me. I told you it was going to be okay." Andy said. I felt limp, and light in his arms. It felt all so right.

-Andy's POV-

I love you Sway. I love you so damn much, my sweet angel. Those words sat on the tip of my tongue, but I held them back, and held my world close to me.

(Look I'm no doctor so I really don't know shit. So if this is wrong then I'm sorry. But its a story it can be whatever. Hope you enjoyed)