Deadpool X Reader: Maximum Effort

A Stranger At the Door

After escaping from mutant slavery, you found yourself back in the USA. The only problem: you were now a mutant. And if that wasn't the worst part, you had no one. Your family and friends are better off thinking you're dead. It would be too much to try to explain to them that you were now immortal. And you don't want to think about the fact that you may very well outlive them all. You still had about $10,000 that you stole from your former "employer". But that money was going to run out fast. You had to find work but more importantly, you had to find shelter. You were in New York City, a rough city with equally rough characters. You went roaming around, nothing more than a duffle bag full of cash and the clothes on your back. You stopped by a few restaurants and newspaper stands asking around to see if anyone knew of any cheap apartments that they could point you towards. About an hour later, you were in a very dodgy part of town. Walking through alleys and constantly looking over your shoulder, you held onto your duffle bag tightly. You finally reached the apartment complex and walked in looking for the owner. You met with him and discussed rent and how the rooms are and so on. You came to an agreement and the landlord showed you to your apartment. It was practically in shambles. Doors nearly falling off their hinges, creaky floorboards and what looked like a chalk outline of a body near the kitchen.
"I need 2 months rent upfront.", said your new landlord, Viktor, an older Russian man.
You reached into your duffle bag and handed Viktor $3,000, 5 months worth of rent.
"This is good. Here is key. Please do not kill anyone. At least not in here" Viktor walked out and left you to your new place. You looked around and started making plans for your new crib. "I guess I could go buy a new mattress and for now, I'll just leave the couch for now and..." Your thoughts trailed off and you sat on the couch. Everything was finally starting to sink in. You were alone in a big city, in a crappy apartment filled with shifty people and a grouchy Russian man as a landlord. Your life is pretty much fucked with no real hope for success or normality.
You decided to head out to a thrift store to shop for some "new" clothes but suddenly, you hear a loud THUMP against your door. You approach the door slowly, you have no weapon to defend yourself so you decide to do the smart thing and check from the peep-hole on your door. You see something moving and you hear moaning. No not sex moaning, more like just-got-beaten-up-and-can't-tell-my-left-from-my-right kinda moaning. You unlock all the locks on your door but leave the chain on and open the door ever so slightly so you can see who was outside. You don't see anyone but then you feel a hand grab onto your ankle. You scream and slam the door shut. You hear what sounds like bones cracking and look down to the bottom of the door and see a gloved hand being crushed.
"HOLY CRAP! I'M SORRY!" You yell as you open the door to free the hand.
Your door was open an you stared at the figure slumped on the floor. You assumed it was a man and he was just lying there. "What the fuck is this guy wearing?" you think to yourself. A red and black suit made from what you figured was spandex or something similar. He has 2 katana swords on his back and two guns holstered on his hips. You kneel down to see if he's ok but when reach your hand out toward him, he suddenly wakes up.
"Momma is that you?" Said this strange man.
"Uh.... No...." you reply. The man suddenly bolts upright and looks at you. "She's kinda cute" "Don't scare the girl. She was nice enough to open the door." "Guys could you shut up for a second". Holy hell this guy was nuts. Not only is he dressed like a crazy person but now he's talking to himself like one too!!!
"I'm just gonna..." You say as you begin to close your door.
"No, wait!" The crazy man yelled as he stretched a hand out to hold your door open. Damn this guy was really strong. But your new mutant abilities had given you strength along with your immortality and regenerative powers. You struggled to push the door closed, you both were pretty evenly matched in strength and it was clear that neither of you was going to win. So, as you had always done in this kind of situation as a child, you let the door go and heard the stranger THUD onto the floor. You laughed but he didn't seem too amused. When you finally composed yourself, he looked at you and said "Nice digs. Do you need a roommate?"
What the hell was going on? This guy is definitely crazy. You decided you were gonna call the cops and have this guy taken back to whatever asylum he escaped from. But you didn't have a phone, so you decided to subtlety look around and you noticed this guy had a cellphone. When he least expected it, you managed to get the phone away from him. He knew what you were going to do and tried to wrestle the phone away from you. The struggle made you flashback to just a few days ago when you killed the foreign drug lord you were enslaved by. Reliving that moment in your mind made you suddenly go berserk. You were fighting like you had never fought before, dodging punches and reversing all the holds this guy was trying to do. You even managed to get one of his katanas away from him. You held the blade against his neck and held the cell phone in your left hand. "YOU HAVE EXACTLY 3 SECONDS TO START EXPLAINING WHY YOU'RE HERE BEFORE I SLICE YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!" He held his hands up and in front of his chest in a surrendering manner "I just need a place to crash" "Why'd you tell her?" "Uh maybe because we don't wanna die!?!" "Guys relax. I got this"
"Who the fuck are you?" you snarled.
"Deadpool"
"What, is that like your superhero name or something?" You giggled.
"Uh... Sort of."
"Wait, you're serious" you were really confused. Who exactly was this guy in your apartment and why did he come HERE?
"Look babe, I really just need a place to stay when I'm not out working. And I don't do too well with normal conversations... So... OH LOOK A BED!" He ran over to your room and jumped onto the bed.
"Don't lay on that! Someone could've died on that!" you yelled at Deadpool. But he was already sleeping. "Hey asshole! Wake up! We're not finished here!" You said as slapped the back of his head. He woke up "No daddy! I don't wanna 'play' tonight!" Okay this guy definitely has issues. (No pun intended)
"Look doll, I just need a place to stay. Can you help me or not?"
"I don't even know you!!!"
"Ok well we've already established that my name is Deadpool. I grew up in a shitty apartment like this with crack addicts and a daddy that used to touch me while I slept. My mommy was stolen by ninjas and I have split personalities. There's my life story. Satisfied?" "If not, I can do something about that ;)"
"Fucking pervert!"
"We're trying to get her to let us stay, not have her call the cops!!!"  "Just let me handle this!"
You thought about it for a while. At best you could charge this guy double your rent since you were letting him stay here. And if he needed anything else done like cooking or laundry, you could charge him for that too.
"Fine. You can stay"
"Hooray!"
"But I'm charging you rent and for any cooking or laundry I have to do for you."
"Aww :("
"Shut up you idiot! We have a place to stay!!!" "Ok. Deal!" said Deadpool as he laid back down on your bed.
"You're sleeping on the couch!" you growled at Deadpool.
"No can do toots. I can't sleep alone or I start sleepwalking"
"Well you're not sleeping with me!"
"I'll pay double of whatever you're charging me for rent."
"Triple"
"Done! Wait... Triple?!?"
"Pleasure doing business with you. Now if you don't mind, I need to go shopping."
"Hold up, I'll go with you!"
"Not in you're costume, you're not!"
"Relax! People are used to seeing me like this. Let me get us a cab."
Deadpool pulled out his cellphone and made a call.
"Dopinder!! Buddy! Hey can you come and pick me up?"
You roll your eyes, grab your duffle bag and key and gesture to Deadpool to leave with you so you could lock the door.
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!!!END OF PART 2!!!
I hope you are enjoying the story so far. You and Deadpool are now roommates. In case things got a little confusing, you and Deadpool will have unaltered text as your dialogue. Sillypool's dialogue will always be italics and Seriouspool is bold italics. Now let's hope Deadpool can behave himself. In the next part, you'll meet Dopinder (the Indian cab driver from the movie) and you'll find out what Deadpool does for a living. Oh speaking of making money, you'll be getting $900 from Deadpool each month for rent. You only going to charge $300 (half of the rent) but he agreed to triple. Haha XD Depending on the food and laundry services, you'll be charging him $200 a week for that. Hey, a personal chef and housekeeper don't come cheap. Have a wonderful day!