After All

Prologue

Prologue

"After all those years bitter ka pa rin sa akin? Oh, c'mon, Keighla! Limang taon na ang lumipas, mag-move on ka naman."

Mabilis na naningkit ang mga mata ko nang marinig ang sinabi ng gago. My grip from the glass tightened. Gusto ko siyang suntukin sa mukha sa inis pero pinigilan ko ang sarili dahil ayaw kong makulong. No matter how hateful his fucking face was, I still chose to calm my nerves. But Dwight dela Vega's irritating and crude smirks wasn't helping.

"Excuse me? Sinong bitter? Ako?" Tumawa ako nang pagak. "C'mon, dela Vega! As if you're worth my bitterness. Limang taon na ang lumipas, mayabang ka pa rin, ano? Makinig kang mabuti. Walang dapat ipag-move on sa'yo, okay? Wala. Dahil una sa lahat, hindi ako nawalan." I said it firmly, trying to emphasize every word, and damn, the bastard just gave me his infamous mocking laugh as he walked towards me.

"The mere fact of not mentioning my first name, Keighla, says it all. Just kept on denying it tho. You'll have my fullest support." he mocked, tapping my right shoulder while smirking.

"Don't touch me!"

"At hindi ka bitter sa lagay na yan? Really? You're making me laugh, Keighla."

"Sige tumawa ka lang hanggang sa mawalan ka ng hininga! And when that happens, I'll be the happiest."

"So, you have been praying over my death? Grabeng bitterness yan, ah?"

"Oh, no. You've got it wrong. It's not your death that I'm praying for; it's your soul, dela Vega. Your goddamned of a soul. Dahil sa laki ng kasalanan mo sa akin I doubt it kung mapupunta ka pa sa langit."

He stiffened, dark thunder flashing across his face, his jaw clenched in rage. Then he stepped forward, our faces inches apart, breathing hard from our wrath.

"So, do you still believe that bullshit, huh?"

"Bigyan mo muna ako ng rason kung bakit hindi ko iyon dapat paniwalaan?" walang takot kong hamon sa kanya habang sinasalubong ang mga nagbabaga niyang tingin.

Kahit kailan wala pa akong inurangan na laban at hindi ang mga masasamang tingin ng dati kong asawa ang magpapatahimik at magpapatakot sa akin.

"Damn! You know I didn't do that! I didn't do that because I was madly in love with you at the time!"

"Oh, c'mon!" I mocked with a chuckle. "Don't give me that nonsense, dela Vega! You never loved me. You never did! Ginamit mo lang ako para sa sarili mong kapakanan!"

"That's bullshit, Keighla!" he yelled back. "That's bullshit! Hindi ako nagkulang na iparamdam iyon sayo! Ikaw ang nagkulang!" he scowled and pointed his finger at me, which startled me.

"At ako pa? Wow! Sino bang humanap ng iba? Ako ba, ha?"

"Bakit? Sino ba ang unang sumuko? Hindi ba ikaw naman!"

"Why? What do you want me to do? Magpaka-desperada sa'yo? Even if you had already rubbed it in my face that you were having an affair with another woman! "

"I never had an affair with another woman, you knew that!" Frustration raised his voice this time. "Ikaw lang 'yong paranoid! Ikaw' yong insecure! Ikaw 'yong judgmental! Ikaw ang unang nawalan ng tiwala!"

"Wow! So, it is my fault now? Kasalanan ko pa? Gayung ikaw naman ang nagturo sa akin kung paano maging insecure!"

"No, I did not! You simply did not trust me enough at the time, which is why you suddenly felt insecure about our relationship!"

"How can I trust a man who has never trusted me in the first place? Tho you never said it, but I know you always question my identity!"

"Which would never have happened if you had just told me the whole thing about you!" he retorted, his jaw muscles clenched.

"I was only protecting you!" I protested in a voice filled with despair.

Dwight hated every word I spat as much as he hated me, judging by the look in his eyes.

"Protecting me? To darn with the reason! You were busy protecting me yet you fail to protect our own relationship! How logical was that, Keighla?"

"How would I even protect that already messed up relationship, huh? I am only human and not God himself! You're the guy! You should have been the one to protect it in the first place! "

"But I am just a guy, Keighla!"

Napakurap at natigilan ako nang bahagya sa sagot niyang iyon.

"Just a guy! Damn it! How do you expect me to protect that fucking relationship when you are busy shielding yourself? Every time I try to explain, you will never listen! Every time I want to make it up to you, you will shut me up! And tell me, kailan ka ba nakinig sa akin? Kailan mo ba ako pinaniwalaan?"

Mariin kong kinuyom ang mga kamao habang pinipigilan ang panginginig ng mga labi.

"Bakit pakiramdam ko ako ang sinisi mo rito, Dwight?"

"Yes! I am blaming you!" he shouted while pointing his index finger at me. "I am fucking blaming you, Keighla Kinsley!"

"Damn you! You don't know what I have gone through, Dwight, just to save our relationship! Bakit? Ano ba ang gusto mong gawin ko nang mga panahon na 'yon? Ang paniwalaan ka? Ang pakinggan ka?"

"No, I want you to fight for me that's what I want!"

That shut the hell up of me.

"I want you to fight for me! But you never did! You never goddamed did, Keighla! Pinamigay mo pa nga ako! You even signed the annulment paper... so quickly... without even having a second thought... as if I am not someone worthy to you!"

"I was..."

I swallowed. I looked away from him for a second to the wall of windows.

Nang mga sandaling iyon para akong nabato sa kinatatayuan. Hindi ako makakilos. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko. Halos hindi ko mahanap ang sariling boses. I can't even look at him straight in the eyes.

I can't.

Hindi ko kaya.

"I was just giving you your freedom." I said faintly to which he immediately responded with words that shattered me again.

"And you know that I never wanted that freedom."