<h5 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">Most of the time, I question if there's something inside me.
Perhaps a soul, or a conscience to guide me.
But being immune to feeling anything<span class="text_exposed_show">
I assume that there's nothing inside this being.
No stimulus triggers a response,
Mostly I'm thinking of how I should respond
Because I feel no guilt, no remorse, no pity.
And others blame the Internet or the way of the city.
But I'm not going anywhere, I haven't even moved.
I haven't progressed or be where I thought I should
By now, because I'm enclosed from the outside life
And forgot how to be social with strangers that might
Give me a chance to open my doors
But I slam them shut, yet what's even worse
Is that I'm doing this to myself and the one that could save me, got fed up and left.</span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">
But that's where I know there's something inside me.
That I'm a being that could feel.
Because it took me being at my lowest point to realize what was real.</span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">Maybe I haven't fully recovered,
But that isn't the main deal—
It's knowing that only I can change me, only I can allow myself to feel.
I was never immune, I chose to be that way.
To escape the pain, even though I felt it everyday.
And though my withdrawals got terribly worse,
I looked forward to where I would reimburse
The debt I needed to pay to myself, and to others just the same.
I don't expect them to forgive me, nor understand my pain.
Just know that I am trying; to feel better everyday.
To stop the tears, to stop the ache, the things I thought would never go away.
It's still here, I admit, all that love and pain,
All that misplaced guilt and shame.
I won't deny it, not even a bit,
That you were a spark I made myself lit,
And this candle burns, though disoriented from the wind.
I hated every second of this,
All that time stuck in a lonely abyss,
But I appreciate that this has helped me see,
That the lowest points make me realize what's inside of me.</span></h5>
