Buried In The Dark

Buried In My Thoughts

Phil arrived back from the shop, a bag full of food was dangling from his right hand and his left hand was holding a crate of alcohol. 

''Alcohol? Really?'' I asked, moaning slightly. Getting drunk was one of the most fun things you could do with Phil. He always becomes funny and really comes out of his shell. I wasn't sure why he picked tonight though, as it was a Thursday night and we were going into London tomorrow as well. Maybe it wasn't even for tonight, maybe I was pre-judging. 

''Yes, we have to get ready for tomorrow by having pre-drinks right? So we might as well start them now.'' He smirked, putting the bag on the floor and carrying the crate to the kitchen. I got up and picked up the bag, following him in to the kitchen. 

''Phil, it's way too early. If we start drinking now right through till tomorrow, we'll be hammered.'' I said, there was a worried tone to my voice. Was Phil okay? He never suggests anything like this. 

He ignored my comment. ''Phil, seriously are you alright babe?'' I asked, coming closer to him and he looked me directly in the eyes. My breath became short and I was becoming scared. 

''We are drinking tonight, whether you want to or not. I don't care Dan. You can be hammered and pass out, I don't give a crap about you.'' He glared at me and made me feel extremely uncomfortable and he opened the crate and pulled out a bottle of beer.

What just happened? Where did my sweet boyfriend go and who is this monster? Maybe he was already drunk and someone or something angered him. I'll just get some rest and see how he is tomorrow perhaps. He went in to the living room, so I avoided returning and headed to the bedroom where I stripped off most of my clothes and got into our bed. Our bed was cold and it filled me with delight as I shivered lightly, but comfortably due to the fact I was very hot, from being scared of Phil's sudden anger outburst. 

I began to close my eyes so I could fall asleep and forget about this scary Phil. I couldn't stop moving around in the bed, I was truly traumatised by my supposed 'true love'. I need him here but I was scared that if he was with me, that something else would happen. 

Suddenly I heard a knock at the bedroom door. I started to shake. ''Come in.'' I said as calmly as possible. It was dark in the room, so I couldn't tell who it was.

''It's only me, don't worry.'' The voice sounded calm and different. The person came closer and got into the bed. 

''I can't see.'' I said, trying to see who it was. 

''Open your eyes then, silly boy.'' The voice was patronising. 

''No, I really can't see. It's too dark, who the hell are you?'' My breath was becoming short and I was starting to panic. 

''It's me babe.'' I recognised the voice. Phil. I still panicked, despite knowing it was him. 

''A-are you okay?'' I asked, trying to focus on my breathing the best I could. 

''Yeah, i'm great thank you. You know what, you're great Dan. You make me really happy and you make my life better. You are a true blessing babe.'' Phil spoke, but it didn't sound like him at all. I was genuinely worried. This just wasn't 'Phil'...and just a 'calmer' voice? I have never even seen my baby mad, which is why I got so confused as well as scared because of his crazy outburst. This is going to be a long night and I am truly traumatised by his actions.

''Oh t-thanks, Phil.'' I spoke, my voice trembling in fear. 

''Are you alright, Dan? What's the matter?'' His voice was back. Phil's usual voice. What the hell?

''No, i'm... no i'm not alright.'' I spoke, trying to reach for the lamp on the side. I switched it on and looked directly back around at Phil. Was he possessed or something? 

''What happened? Are you okay?'' He gasped, coming closer to me. I backed away and he tilted his head lightly. 

''Did I do something?'' He asked, his face looking seriously confused and sad. 

''You went... you went insane.'' I breathed heavily. He had no idea. Maybe it was all an act. Surely, he wouldn't do that to me actually. Maybe he would? 

''Insane? What? I went to the shop and came back?'' Phil spoke, with lots of confusion in his voice. 

''No, no you came back and you had a crate of alcohol and you were like, talking all crazy and you said you don't care about me.'' Tears formed as I spoke. Phil cuddled me tightly and my tears fell down my pale face. I buried my face between his neck and shoulder. 

''Babe, you've had another hallucination. I've literally been getting some movies for us to watch. You've been in here most of the evening.'' Phil spoke, rubbing my back as I cried more.

''Another one?'' I spoke through short breaths and tears. 

''I'll take you back to the doctors tomorrow if I can get you an appointment, this isn't normal. You've had 5 this week.'' Phil sighed. He wanted to help me, I knew he did. 

''These stupid hallucinations are taking over me. How am I meant to do the tour when I have these still?'' I cried more, the worry was easily heard in my voice. I wanted to just die right then and there. I didn't want to be that 'crazy' youtuber that everyone hated, because I want to be that guy that everyone knows as the youtuber who's loved. My life was falling apart and I was dragging Phil down with me. This wasn't fair, he doesn't deserve to be in the middle of this. 

He doesn't deserve to have to put up with this horrible thing, this life ruining issue, he shouldn't have to put up with me.