Sometimes It's Hard

Chapter 1.

Each breath I took was eroding my composure. Each minute I stand here is weakening my confidence. Keeping it together seemed to be the hardest part. You can do this; a phrase far from the truth, but my new mantra. Deep down I believed that if I repeated it enough times it would set into motion. 

But I was wrong. As my finger slipped from the doorbell and my feet carried me away from the door, I knew that I couldn't do this and no amount of reassurance was going to change that. 

Then, as if a brick wall had appeared in front of me, I was stopped in my tracks. A voice was ringing behind me setting me into a trance. That soft, sweet, voice that I had once found comfort in had now frightened me and rendered me petrified.

"Emily!" I was finally pulled from my trance and knew it was my time to face my fears.

"Aiden." I breathed out, turning to face the only person who has ever sparked any sort of feeling inside of me. The only person who had seen my naked soul, but still chose to stay. The only person with the power to break my heart.

He looked intimidatingly beautiful, the kind of beautiful that made me second think everything I've ever known. It was heartbreaking really. He was standing in front of me wearing nothing but a fluffy white towel that hung loosely around his hips, I was mesmerized and distracted by the droplets of water that were glistening down his chest. Yet again I was reminded how far out of my league this man was. How beautiful he truly was.

"Where have you been?" He asked, his voice riddled with pain.

Before I even had a chance to register the question he had asked, Aiden's arms were thrown tightly around my shoulders. My mind drifted to months ago when this was all I ever wanted--to be wrapped safely in his arms. Back when everything was perfect and there wasn't any problems between us. When there was just me and there was just him and nothing else mattered.

Aiden removed his strong arms from around me drawing me back to the present. Along with this resurfacing reality came a hard punch to my gut.  I was going to have to tell him why I was here. Why I was gone for the last three months. Why there was a steady stream of tears rolling down my face.

I needed to sit down.

My heart started to pump faster in my chest and the air was starting to thin. Looking into those emerald green eyes I knew that I was about to lose him. Throughout the past two years I had made Aiden my entire world, and that was about to be taken from me. My comfort. My happiness. I was about to steal it from myself.

"I--um..." There wasn't any possible way I could continue my sentence with all these stupid tears distracting me. With the backs of my hands, I reached up and wiped at my cheeks trying to keep all of the crying at bay. "I'm sorry, I don't know why this is happening to me" I laughed nervously. A blanket of strange air fell upon us. Aiden was uncomfortable because he had never seen me cry, and I was embarrassed because no one ever had.

"Are you breaking up with me?" He suddenly blurted.

"What? N--"

"Because you can't just disappear and expe-"

"Aiden, no I--"

"Just say it."

"Would you just let me speak!" I finally shouted over his fierce accusations. Clearly it worked because Aiden snapped his mouth shut and looked at me in all seriousness. "Can we sit down?" I asked motioning to the bench that sat on his front porch. As we sat the nerves began to consume me again, but I knew that I had to get it out.

"Aiden I didn't leave because of you, I left because of who I am. Three months ago I found out that I was pregnant. I know you have no plans on having a baby this early or with me even, so I ran. I didn't want to face the hurt that would come with you turning me down--turning this baby down.