As I glide through the Underworld, I approach the throne room. I slither into the lopsided room and notice that the pillars are made of black licorice and cardboard cutouts of famous fire trucks, and happen to be supported by delicate cheese sauces. The throne dedicated to the infant ruler of the Underworld is abandoned, though sitting on top is a note written in the "Princess Sofia" font. I have Rozzie Four translate it as violently as possible.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE KEYBOARD AGAIN, YOU MUST GATHER THESE ITEMS:
- 6 ANTELOPE ANTLERS
- THE OLDEST CHEESE
- 15/2 CARDBOARD
- 2 TONS OF CEILING LETTUCE
- 5 CUPS OF SUGAR
- A LOT OF BLACK MOLASSES (AT LEAST 6)
THEN YOU MUST PREPARE THESE INSIDE THE CARCASS OF A WILD CHURCH BUILDING, AND CRY LEMONADE ONTO IT. POUR THIS SOLUTION ONTO A BABY WOMBAT AND THIS WILL SUMMON THE ANTELOPE GOD. IT IS THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU CAN SAVE KEYBOARD. THIS MESSAGE IS OVER, BECAUSE LIKE A TYPICAL BAD GUY, I HAVE TOLD YOU EXACTLY HOW TO DEFEAT ME!
In the meantime, I search for any clues, but I find nothing except for scraps of cardboard that are shaped exactly like my face. I stick one on, but it falls off. What a shame. Rozzie Four clamors to try to translate again because the only words I smell are: antelope, lettuce, and 6, none of which are helpful. Maybe he wasn't violent enough.
HELLO DAUGHTER. YOU STILL NEVER WISHED ME A HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH.
Where did this note come from? My mother must have stealthily attached it to my ribs when I was a baby.
After wheeling myself around the throne room exactly 2.53 times, careful to avoid the piles of used baby wipes, I hear a sound coming from the floor. My mother rises up, her terrifying baby form filling me with a sense of responsibility that I didn't know I had. She doesn't seem to notice me, simply rotating slowly and sinking back into the floor that was carefully painted with circles of blue glitter. Rozzie Four licks the paper reading "Instructions," and hands it to me. I fold it into the shape of a swan, shove it into my mouth, and prepare for the end.
