Disharmony

Crumble

Pride.

She wasn't staring at him as though he was a child in need of comfort, she was looking at him as though he'd just won a gold medal after spending months recovering from what doctors said would be a career ending injury.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're incredibly inspiring?" she said, her eyes wide with amazement.

"No," he whispered in disbelief.

No one really knew his backstory. When his first single had done well on the radio, his publicist had mentioned that perhaps letting the public on the tragic death of his parents would be a good way to create buzz around his name. He'd absolutely refused because he felt as though it was an exploitation of their memory. The music industry was twisted enough and he'd rather some things remain sacred.

"I mean, you must have been devastated," she continued. "But somehow, you turned into this fantastic human being. You climbed out of the ashes and showed the world that it wasn't going to hold you back."

"You make it sound much more romantic than it actually was," he half laughed. "To be honest, once my parents were gone, I was forced to grow up. I knew I had to be the one to take care of Dylan, so I stopped being a kid."

"That's brave of you," she whispered. "To give up your childhood like that."

He shrugged. "I didn't have a choice. Sometimes life is awful, but you have to suck it up and deal with it."

"How poetic," she replied, one side of her mouth lifting into a smirk.

He laughed loudly. Only she could elicit that kind of response from him; only she could make him happy while talking about something so incredibly sad.

"Is that why you have your lyrics as a tattoo?" she asked. "To remind you of Dylan and your parents?"

He nodded. "I just like being reminded that something good can come from terrible situations."

"It's a good thought to keep in the back of your mind," she agreed.

There was silence once more. He watched her fondly, admiring the way the light breeze swept her hair across her eyes and she reached up to tuck the strands back behind her ear.

It was moments like this that he enjoyed Kasia the most, because it was here that she was completely herself.

The world saw a popstar with a charismatic personality and a tendency to curse in inappropriate situations. They saw a 'train wreck' of a girl who stumbled drunkenly out of clubs and was seen in the company of what they deemed as far too many men. They labeled her as whorish and overly emotional and quite frankly, a diva.

What they didn't see was the girl with the heart of gold. The girl who freely and uninhibitedly expressed her emotions because she no longer cared how the world viewed her.

Thinking back, beautiful disaster probably was an inaccurate way to describe her. Or perhaps just not specific enough.

Because she was a disaster of an entirely different kind. She was a force to be reckoned with; a colossal storm of ambition and talent that would one day take over the entire world. And Xavier would watch proudly as she did.

His intention in writing the song was never to imply that she needed someone to save her, just that he would gladly offer up his services if she needed someone to turn to. He just hoped that one day she would realize that she wasn't so alone in the world.

"Xavier?" she spoke quietly, but it broke his trance nonetheless. "Will you do something for me?"

"Sure," he replied almost immediately.

"Ok, but before I say what it is, I need you to promise me something."

He nodded, not speaking.

She stared at him for a few seconds, inhaling deeply as though to calm her nerves before proceeding. "I need you to promise me that it won't change anything between us. Because you've become one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do without you and I just really don't want things to be different."

"Why would you be without me?" he asked, genuinely concerned because her eyes looked sad. "Of course, we'll always be the same."

Nodding slowly, she looked her lips and looked him straight in the eyes. "Kiss me."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Kasia..." he sighed, not entirely sure how he felt about this request. "I don't think you've thought at all about what you're asking me to do."

"Of course I've thought about it," she rolled her eyes. "I've thought about it more than is probably healthy, but what I need you to do is not think about it."

"Kas..." he winced.

She groaned. "Oh for fuck's sake, Spiers. How is it that even me practically begging you to kiss me ends in us fighting?"

He thought about retorting, but he was too captivated by the fierce determination in her eyes, so he complied with her request. Leaning forward, he cupped one of her cheeks in his palm and pressed his lips to hers.

At this point he didn't really care that this kiss probably meant a whole lot more to him than it did to her. Or that it would cause a wrenching pain in his heart to pretend it didn't happen. No, all he cared about in that moment was the fact that she wanted him in the first place.

And lord, did it feel good when she returned the pressure. He breathed her in, kissing her hard because he knew it would probably be ages before he got this opportunity again. So he held her close, memorizing the feel of her lips and sucking ever so gently when he pulled away.

Her eyes were still closed and he stared at her, waiting for a reaction. What felt like minutes later, her eyes fluttered open and she stared back.

"So that's what it feels like," she whispered. "Better than I imagined."

He was strangely satisfied with that response, so he dropped his hand from her face and leaned backwards, creating distance so he wouldn't be tempted to kiss her again.

"I'm glad," his voice cracked as replied.

"Thank you," she said softly, reaching out a hand to squeeze his arm.

He shifted away, knowing touching her would only lead to him wanting more. And she had made it pretty clear that more wasn't going to happen.

"Sorry," she cleared her throat, retracting her hand. "But thank you. I just wanted to know."

"And?"

"And you're amazing, Xavier. And you deserve someone amazing as well," she replied, smiling softly.

He nodded, feeling suddenly empty. "Good to know. I should probably get you back to your hotel."

She shot him a tight lipped smiled and pushed herself to her feet. "Alright. I'm going to go get my bag from the house."

Nodding once, he watched as she weaved her way back through the trees. Sighing heavily, he rose to his feet and wiped the dirty palms of his hands on his jeans. As he followed the path towards the house, he noticed her retreating figure in the distance and shook his head as he spoke to no one in particular.

"I wonder how long it will be until you realize that someone is you."