linger // niall horan

three // a trí

"Sure am, Mrs. Flannery," I laugh, knowing when I'm as old as she is I'll have nothing better to do than stick my nose in the business of my neighbors. 

She shouts questions at me but I turn around with a wave, looking at Niall's childhood home with dread. I think the last time I was here was for one of Maura's "X Factor viewing parties". My mum made me go and I left halfway through One Direction's first song together. She walked in on me crying on our front porch and never made me go again. 

The curtains were closed but I could see the outlines of figures standing in the living room. I wondered which broad shouldered silhouette was Niall's. Slowly I walk up the front steps, standing mere inches away from the worn in wooden door. I could hear laughter on the other side, a warm sign of living but it made my blood run cold. 

My fist clenched at my side, one step closer to knocking, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Why am I doing this? I can just send my mum a text and go bury myself back in my bed, hiding out until Niall leaves again. 

As I turn around to run back to my car, the front door swings open, revealing Maura Horan, looking as jolly as ever. 

"Augustine!" She cheers, rushing across the threshold to wrap me up in a warm hug. She smelled like lavender, just as I remembered. I fall into her hug, burying my face in her shirt. I hadn't realized how much I missed her. I don't think I allowed myself to - missing Niall was enough. 

She pulls away from me, a teary smile on her face. She reaches out to tug one of my curls. 

"My little Gus is all grown up," She laughs, shaking her head. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep tears from welling up in my own eyes, "Everyone, Augustine is here!" she shouts, ushering me into the house. 

My eyes travel from the worn in welcome mat up to the house opening up in front of me. The moment Maura shuts the door behind me, I see him. He stands frozen at the bottom of the staircase, his eyes locked on me.

My palms begin sweating as my stomach lurches. I feel as if I'm going to be sick. Maura begins talking once more, saying something about how long it's been but it goes in one ear and out the other. I'm standing in pure shock as I look at Niall all grown up. It was one thing seeing him all over magazines and the internet, but to see him stand tall and so mature right before me was something else. 

I've never been one to handle my emotions in a sensible manner - not all that surprisingly. And as I stare at Niall, I'm unsure of whether I want to hug him or punch him square in the face. 

"It's been years and you two are going to stand there like strangers?" Maura scolds, pulling me from my thoughts as she pushes Niall closer to me. He lurches forward and on impulse I wraps my arms around his waist. 

I cling to him as tightly as possible, squeezing my eyes shut. His arms - much more muscular than when he was 16 - are wrapped around my neck, holding me just as tight. I can feel his warm breath on my neck as he buries his face into my hair. 

He's back. 

The two of us hold on as if our lives depended on it. My fingers press into his hard back, feeling this entirely new Niall that has returned. I could barely recognize him, but as I held him, I knew that the 16 year old boy who broke my heart was still in there. 

"Okay, okay, you're making me cry," Maura's voice pulls me from my thoughts. I let go of Niall and step back, my eyes avoiding his. I could feel my entire face turning a deep shade of red as I look around at all of the strangers watching the intimate moment that I had fantasized about for so many years. 

Maura leads the way into the house, followed short after by the other members of One Direction who eye me curiously. 

Feeling Niall's gaze on me, I glance up and meet his eyes once more. A pink shade creeps up his face as he musters up a polite smile, gesturing for me to walk ahead him in the narrow hallway leading to the dining room. 

"Now it's going to be a tight squeeze but I'm just so happy to have everyone here under one roof," Maura fills the silence - one thing she's always been good at - as we start to fill chairs around the table, "It's a shame that Seamus couldn't join us," Maura looks to Niall and I, who are silently standing at the back of the group, "When I heard you two were dating I have to say I was quite shocked. You two used to be at each other's throats - " She laughs to herself, not realizing what she said. 

Niall bursts out in a fit of coughing, his face turning a different shade of red. My stomach drops as soon as she says it aloud. My romantic life with Shay wasn't a topic I had been anticipating Niall having any knowledge about. 

"We're not really together, more on and off," I stammer, but Maura doesn't pay me any attention as she's ushering her guests into seats around the table. 

I can feel Niall's gaze on my face as his coughing fit dies down, but I avoid looking in his direction. For whatever reason, I didn't even want to see Niall's reaction. I mean, he had every right to be surprised coming home to find out his best mates are dating, but no matter how he reacted, I knew it would piss me off. 

He had no right to be mad that our lives continued but at the same time, I wanted him to be upset, I wanted him to feel awful that we moved on without him, I wanted it to hurt. 

I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I felt. 

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an: hello!! ok, this chapter took forever, especially the last part. ugh i still am not satisfied. i'll probably come back to edit this later. gus has such conflicting feelings so it's hard to write out how complicated the whole situation is. (also i know ur all going to be mad af with the last few lines lol) but i love gus and think she is so complicated and i just want to do her justice!

anways, hope you enjoy! and i wanna thank all of you who have continued to stick with me through this whole series! the fact that i can get anyone to read 1 of my books, let alone 5 of them is crazy! so just thank you!!

love you all!

perksofbeingaweirdo