Mentality

Laying there, dreamless, awaiting the call of the night to capture me again. Wishing for the sweet illusions that come while the world is at rest.

But tonight isn't like the others, rest does not come but
restlessness is
Relentless.
Something not right, not right.
Very wrong,
Wrong.
Wrong!

My senses confused, the smell overwhelming, chemicals masking my lungs. Nausea and dizziness battle for dominance, neither winning nor losing.

Scrambling for freedom I run to the door, but it is oh so far away.
The closer I get the further it runs taunting my efforts.
I am a bow with no arrow but the string is strung tight, almost there, not quite tipping over the edge.
The edge where I never want to be again.

It purges me of what I deserve, stealing my rest that I need, for tomorrow is an important day of which I will be tested.

Laying in bed late at night I think of these things, thoughts come and go before their meaning is ever understood, ever realised.

I am free from these chains, I will stay free, my life is my own not to be controlled by anyone or anything.
We are survivors.

Never again will I notch an arrow in this bow, never again shall I let myself fall over the edge of that cliff. This chemical scent I cannot understand or identify will not control me again, if it ever does...
Will I wake up?