My Heart

AN: This plot had been on my mind for a very long time, but after reading “The Fault in our Stars” I decided to change a few things before starting. Honestly the book inspired me a lot that I decided to use a few references in my story, so disclaimer the book is by John Green and I wholeheartedly recommend the book. And I hope you like my story ^^ also if you have any criticism please comment them to me.

My Heart

Lying shattered on a hospital bed wasn’t what this girl wished for, her hopes and dreams were on a whole other level but with the need of medical attention everything was taken away from her. Her pale blue eyes stared at the ceiling and unconsciously her tears ran down, life has gone dull she didn’t have anything to look forward to anymore.

The people surrounding her try so hard to keep her alive when she already gave up, honestly what’s the point if eventually she’s going to die? She told herself that death is just like sleeping forever, and you don’t have to wake up to put up with this horrid world anymore.

Goodness it sounded so wonderful and she wanted this day to come soon, unfortunately they are not letting her fall into the blissful darkness. She yearns for freedom; she yearns for a normal life, away from reality, away from the fact that she’ll never leave this place ever.

Her condition is severe, she knows but so does everyone. The reason they try to protect her as much as they can, try to find a cure for this incurable heart disease. Yes, it’s all because of a heart disease that she is trapped in such a place, and she wanted to go to a place where no one knows her.

She actually did consider committing suicide and just ending it herself, but her conscious interrupted her at the most crucial time. That young girl was someone no one wanted to be, unfortunately ‘The world isn’t a wishing factory’ and that young girl was me.

My name is Emilia Johnson, seventeen and I’m this pathetic girl who can’t so much get out of bed without difficulty, continuously I wished for something different but we can’t always get what we want. I’ve been living like some fragile doll ever since I can remember, I’ve been treated like I would collapse any second, well that may be true but I didn’t want it!

I wanted something different!

I wanted to at least be treated normally…

Again we don’t always get what we wish for.

You know that feeling when enough was enough? Yeah, enough was enough. I don’t make sense? Well too bad, because my whole life doesn’t either.

My parents are so optimistic about my health that they throw me into any medication that is supposed to ‘help’ me, like every other time “I’m sorry Mr and Mrs Johnson, your daughter’s body isn’t accepting the medication”. Every freaking doctor for the medication trial said that! Maybe it’s a sign to let me be, but noooo we are already on our way to the next doctor.

Technically me on bed and they bring them to hover over my head with more medication to drown my body in, the only medication that I liked were the antidepressants. They just take the pain away and make me feel high, that will be the closest thing I’ll ever get to be a ‘normal teenager’.

Woooo a druggy!

I think I still have some in my system, that’s good I need it anyway. After having enough of staring at the blank ceiling I slowly sat up and looked over the window, it was dark just like the room, want to know why? You shouldn’t be asking me why, its night stupid. 

I could see the city lights trying to find its spot in the darkness, wanting to be noticed like any other vain person in this stupid world. Unlike any survivor in this pitiful world I didn’t want to leave a mark, I don’t see the point anyway. Too bad for me I have to face people who actually want ‘to do something, despite being sick’. I think they are more than sick.

Have I told you why I’m given antidepressants? If so I’m going to tell you anyway, ‘I demand to be heard!’ no pun intended.

The reason is that they think I’m depressed, quite obvious but here’s the thing, I’m not. I’m just sick, but who’ll refuse a medication that makes you forget for a while? Not forgetting exactly but not think about it, which is better than nothing.

But that wasn’t the only pleasure I have been bestowed due to my ‘condition’, I had the lovely advantage to meet those self-centred people I’ve been telling you about. Honestly it’s like a competition on who’s more ill and who’ll make the biggest difference, I zone out most of the time so I can’t give you any examples.

Dave, the counsellor was an okay guy since not even once he pointed at me except the first day to introduce myself, I think it was something I said. Let me remember what did I say?

“My Name is Emilia, seventeen and I have a crappy heart”

It’s not that bad… Well whatever he could be just considerate.

Slowly I shifted my legs to the edge of the bed and carefully pushed myself off the hard mattress, with a little difficulty I leaned on the table beside my bed. It’s been too long since I used my legs; it took a while until I was able to reach the ledge of the window.

I rested the weight of my upper body on it to ease the pressure on my legs, it’s not bad but unfortunately I can’t stay long on my legs. You see because my heart isn’t functioning well many parts of my body had deranged as well, who knew blood transport is that important.

When I’m not spending time on my bed, it’s on a wheelchair. Take your pick; I don’t even have that choice. Changing the subject, I always adored gardens and seeing one literally 2 minutes away, I still couldn’t reach it, and I just stared at the tiny coloured flowers that seem so near yet so far away.

Feeling suffocated I slide the already unlocked glass window and let the cold air nibble at my face, it was the middle of November and soon enough my 18th birthday will arrive. I’m not even excited because knowing my parents they’ll do an over extravagant party that I cant even attend, they always do this; celebrating me fighting this disease for another year. That’s ironic; I’m not even fighting. I already gave up.